My wife betrays me by having an affair with our son’s nanny and treats me like a crazy person for being angry

My wife and I have been married for four years. We have a 2-year-old son, and we hired a nanny to take care of him. Recently, I discovered that my wife and the nanny have been involved in an affair. It hurts even more because I believe the nanny doesn’t realize that I’m the one who hired her, not my wife.

A few weeks ago, I noticed my wife becoming very protective of her phone. When I tried to use it, she reacted defensively and wouldn’t let me. This raised my suspicions. Later, I checked the security cameras in our house and saw that when I’m not home, my wife and the nanny leave the living room for over an hour while our son is napping.

I also found incriminating texts on my wife’s MacBook, revealing that they were flirting, exchanging explicit photos, and engaging in sexting. It seems like they may have already engaged in physical cheating.

When I confronted my wife about this, she avoided taking responsibility and accused me of being a bigot for hiring a lesbian nanny if I’m not supportive. It’s clear that the nanny’s wife is unaware of the situation, and the nanny mentioned regret about not meeting my wife before they both got married.

My wife doesn’t consider this cheating, and she believes it would be mean-spirited to inform the nanny’s wife, which is something I plan to do.

I feel like my marriage is over, and I’m deeply upset about everything that has happened. I need advice on what to do next.

Should I tell the nanny’s wife? Is this really not considered cheating? Am I wrong for feeling upset? I would have supported my wife if she were bisexual, but I expected us to have a discussion about it instead.