I Emptied My Account For Our Wedding But He Still Expects Me To Give Him Pocket Money

After going through a lot of failed relationships, a friend of mine introduced me to a very quiet man who is also her friend. It was in June 2022. For our first meeting, we agreed that I would visit him, and I did. Meeting him was one of my happiest moments last year. On that first date, Kwame asked me a lot of questions about my work, past relationships, and family. I had a good feeling about him so I answered all his questions honestly. He also told me, “Due to my past experiences, I am afraid of giving my heart to yet another woman.”

I assured him, “Not all women and men are the same. Sometimes you don’t have to quickly write people off. Just take your time and get to know people and take things one step at a time. If at the end of the day, I don’t fit into what you want in a woman you can go your way and I will go mine. It doesn’t have to be anything messy.” He agreed with me, and we were off to a good start. As we got to know each other better, he often visited me. Every time he came I cooked for him. Sometimes, I visited him and still cooked for him. One thing I noticed was, Kwame ate my food comfortably without asking how much I spend to cook. It bothered me but I brushed it off with the thought, “It’s not a big deal. After all, I also eat the food.”

A month after we met, he brought me a sum of money unprovoked. So I asked him, “What is this money for?” He answered, “Use it to start buying things for our marriage rites.” This happened right after he tried to sleep with me and I turned him down. I told him, “I’m not going to agree to us having any sexual relationship until we are married.” So I figured the money was his way of assuring me that he had plans for us to get married. So I took the money but I didn’t buy anything immediately.

Later, I thought things through and decided to buy some items on my family list, and then officially go for the list from my family later. When he eventually came with his family to see my people to perform the knocking rites, they took the marriage list. By then, I had already bought some of the items so there were only a few of them left to buy. Kwame and I are both on the government payroll and are doing well but during our marriage preparation, I started wondering where he keeps his money.

From that moment till now, he always has to wait for the month to end before he can have some money for himself. I thought I was being helpful to my man by supporting him to get everything we needed for our marriage ceremony to be successful. But it turned out that he had other plans. His plan all along was to start contributing money from the onset, then abandon everything for me to do. By the time I caught on to what was going on, the news of our impending nuptials had spread wide and far. I practically did everything, from our traditional marriage rites to the white wedding.

I can confidently say that the only thing he paid for was the dowry. I wanted us to have a very small gathering in order to save cost, but he did not agree with me. Yet, I was the one who paid for the venue, the drinks, the sound, MC, DJ, the food, the decorations, and our clothes, among other things. Kwame comfortably watched me bear all these costs without enquiring where I got the money from.

When I asked him for money to do something he would tell me, “I don’t have money on me now. Take care of it, I will refund you at the end of the month.” And at the end of the month, he wouldn’t give it to me. I saw all this going on and concluded that this could be my life if I marry him. So I woke up one morning and decided that I wouldn’t go on with marriage preparations anymore. Everyone said I had gone mad. Kwame went to our counsellors and cried his heart out to them. They called me and talked me out of my decision. That was the mistake I made. I should have stood my ground and not allowed myself to be emotionally manipulated by him or anyone else.

After our wedding, I asked myself, “Why did I marry this guy?” I know people settle down for many reasons, but when I searched my heart, I could not pinpoint one reason for which I married Kwame. Don’t get me wrong, I did not enter the marriage with any unrealistic expectations. I just wanted a companion to journey through the rest of my time here on earth with. Nevertheless, what I found when I entered the marriage blew my mind.

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A few days after we got married, I was there when he told me to give him some money as pocket money. I was surprised but I responded, “I emptied the little savings I have to support our wedding and you didn’t even say thank you. I don’t ask you for money to cook yet you eat without asking where the money came from. Now you want me to give you pocket money?” His answer was what surprised me the most, “So because I didn’t say thank you, you won’t give me pocket money?” I didn’t bother giving him any response or money.

Currently, I live in the same room with my husband yet I don’t have anyone to have a conversation with. He doesn’t engage me in any conversation. When I also try to initiate one, he answers my questions with yes or no and then goes mute for the rest of the evening. I didn’t like what was going on so I sat him down one day and told him, “Look, I don’t expect you to buy me a Porsche or build me my dream house. All I want from you is a simple relationship, something we can’t have if we don’t talk to each other. I literally have to beg you to talk to me. How will this marriage work if things go on like this?”

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After our conversation, he didn’t change so I also started keeping to myself. But I really want my marriage to work so last week I initiated a conversation. I asked him if he has any investment or saving plans for emergencies now that he is married, and he said no. Calmly, I told him it is important to save for rainy days because no one knows when something unexpected will happen. I told him, “I don’t think it is right for a man to go about looking for money from people when there is an emergency. So try and save, even if it is GHC200 out of the GHC3500 you earn.” Can u believe he got angry and gave me attitude for days all because I told him to save for his own sake?

Is this what marriage is about? I live here with my husband, yet I buy my own foodstuffs and keep them in the fridge. I buy everything else; light, water, soap, toothpaste, pomade and others. He uses all of these things comfortably though he doesn’t contribute any money toward buying them. Did I get married only to be the one providing for my husband? As if he hasn’t done enough, he is asking me to sell a plot of land that I own. Every day I ask myself, “What have I gotten myself into?”

–Yram

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