I’m 31 and unemployed. I’ve tried everything to gain employment after school but nothing works for me. Sometimes I feel there is a curse on my life. I have been depressed for a long time because of this issue. It’s affecting every aspect of my life including my relationship life.
The first girl I lost due to my inability to find a proper job was Suzy. I met her at the gym. She had come from a different region to do her national service here. I was at the gym just to train my depression away and build muscles where the depression once occupied.
The first day I saw her, I didn’t say a word to her. I only admired her from a safe distance. If I had a reason to stop going to the gym, she became the reason for me to continue going there. The routines were tough. Abs workout was enough reason for me to give up but because of Suzy, I persisted. Seeing her at the gym was all the motivation I needed.
After a week or so, I gathered the courage to approach her. It turned out that she was looking at me too. It didn’t take long for us to start dating. We had a lot of fun. Love is always good from the beginning. While I was in love and happy, I was still finding it hard to land a job in my field of study. “Love don’t cost a thing” but something has to give to keep the love going. I enrolled to become a construction worker. I worked and earned daily wages. Fortunately for me, Suzy loved me for who I am and didn’t care about the kind of job I was doing. I couldn’t offer her the kind of things a girl like her deserved but she was still there. Sometimes I wanted to make her a promise of a better future together but I looked at my financial situation and asked myself, “A future together with what?” I was so broke I couldn’t afford confidence in myself.
Suzy completed National Service and had a job immediately. The universe has a dark sense of humor, I swear. My girlfriend got a job immediately after service while I was still unemployed. It didn’t matter. Her win was my win so I was happy for her and for us. I thought her job may affect our relationship. I thought of it each day until I got depressed. She was all I had. Literally. I couldn’t afford to lose the one thing I had in my world that made me happy. But she never left as I feared. She stayed by my side and cheered me on. She gave me money and brought gifts when she had to.
No one stays unemployed forever so one day I got a job in one of the savings and loans companies in Accra as a deposit mobilizer. It wasn’t a job I could go gay over but I took it anyway. At least, it was better than nothing. I did the job for a while and I must confess, being a deposit mobilizer is one of the most tedious works anyone could ever do but the salary was a peanut. My salary was equivalent to the allowance given to the National service personnel. I had a job I could point to but I was basically living from hand to mouth. I couldn’t save or do anything else with the money.
At some point, Suzy resigned from her job and moved to Accra. That should have been good news to our relationship. We were in the same place again and that should have strengthened our relationship. But it didn’t. We started falling apart right when she made that move.
Her mother started pressuring her to get married. It was at that same point that I got laid off from my job. They pay you very little and still have the gut to lay you off. Life. I couldn’t survive in Accra without any source of income so I moved back home and enrolled in NABCO. While trying to navigate our long-distance relationship, Suzy called one day to tell me, “There is a new guy in the picture. He is offering marriage and my mum wants me to agree to his proposal. I don’t want to. It’s you I want so I will wait for you. I know things will eventually get better. I’ll wait till then.”
We met every two weeks and did everything lovers will do to stay happy. I felt chosen. The job field won’t choose me but there was one woman among the millions who chose me over someone who had it all. It made me feel that nothing in this world could break us apart.
Ten months later, Suzy called me crying; “I’ve been wanting to tell you this but I didn’t know how to go about it. If I don’t tell you now, you’ll find out in a different way and that would be worse. I’m getting married. My mom succeeded. The wedding is in three days.”
I thought it was a joke. I mean this is a woman I’d been seeing every two weeks. How could she get married in three days and I didn’t know anything about it?
She wasn’t lying to me. I was devastated. The only woman who chose me had brought me back. Most of all, it hurt to lose her to another man. What unemployment can’t do in a relationship doesn’t exist. But I understood her. I got the impression that she tried her best for me so I didn’t hold it against her. I forgave her and wished her all the best.
There’s always time to break down and time to move on from what broke you down so I moved on. Eventually. I later met someone else at my NABCO workplace. She was a nurse doing her service. We were good until she completed her service and got posted. That was when she started asking about our future together and marriage. I couldn’t give her any assurances. My financial situation didn’t give me assurances, let alone offer assurances to someone else’s daughter. When she realized I wouldn’t make her any promises, she started pulling away from me. I saw it happening but I didn’t try to stop it. I didn’t want to hold on and get hurt again. I let her go. I came to understand the saying that “A man with no money is no man at all.” Two women left my life because I didn’t have money. A few months later, she sent me an invitation to her wedding.
They leave me and get married immediately. You see why I believed I had a cursed life?
I decided not to go into any relationship again until I have a job that gives me assurances of a better future. The truth is that the heart wants what it wants. It’s like a kid who wants something from his mother. He doesn’t care whether or not you have the money to buy what he wants. He simply wants what he wants. The heart is just like that. You could be the poorest man alive but this silly heart will go ahead and fall in love and later put you into expensive problems.
I fell in love again. Again, the lady is a nurse. She came to do her rotation at where I’m doing my NABCO. Somehow, I always manage to get the good ones. This one was very beautiful, humble, and really good. She loves me dearly and it shows in everything she does and says. But there is a problem. Small problem bi like that but it’s turning out to be a big problem.
I lied to her when I met her. I didn’t tell her I was a NABCO personnel. I told her I was a permanent staff. I thought she wouldn’t say yes to me if she got to know that I was a mere NABCO Personnel. We are the only workers in Ghana whose salary is out there for everyone to see. I didn’t want to lose her because of the bad vibe associated with my position so I lied to her. I did it out of love but it looks like lies told out of love also have their expiring dates. She has started asking about marriage. I have promised to marry her in a year’s time if I get a well-paying job.
She has been posted for work and I know that if she starts working, the pressure to marry will increase and I will lose her. I have tried all I can, including bribing people to get me a job but nothing has come out of it. I’ll be turning 32 soon and my life doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve fasted and prayed for a miracle.
It looks like I’ll lose a third woman to unemployment. She keeps asking about our future. Yes, I want to have a future with her but I don’t know how to answer those questions. Should I tell her the truth and possibly lose her or I should keep the lies going and hope that I will finally get a job and it wouldn’t matter that I lied?
Please advise me.