I’m Still Single Because Of The Kind Of Man God Gave Me

It was when I was in my early twenties that I started praying into my marriage. I prayed for a good marriage. I also prayed to be a good wife to the man I would marry. Most importantly, I asked God to give me a man after his own heart. These were my prayer topics day in and day out. Not even once did I relent on these prayers. The kind of relationship I have with God gave me the assurance that he would give me my heart’s desire.

At twenty-four, I met Jeffery. He felt like my answered prayer. The guy was everything I asked God for in a husband. I couldn’t stop singing praises to God for giving me a prayerful, caring, and loving man. Indeed, a man after God’s own heart. That’s what I believed, at least. I was in my second year at the university by then. While he was in his final year.

We agreed that we wouldn’t have shuperu before marriage. This encouraged us to hurry up with our marriage plans. We weren’t ready at the time but that didn’t stop us from making plans. We planned the kind of ceremony we would have for our marriage rites. We also planned the kind of future we would like to have. As we planned, we prayed. That was the foundation of our relationship. Love was not exempted from this as well. For I loved him with my entire being. And I was sure he loved me with the same depth and intensity.

As time went on, our love solidified. Jeffery would anticipate my needs and give them to me before I even got the chance to ask him for anything. “A man like this will always go out of his way to look after his family,” I often thought. We moved along without any drama until two years passed. That was when I started having some disturbing dreams.

The first time I had this dream, it didn’t make sense to me. I even forgot about it. Then I had the same dream again. Everything in the dream showed me that Jeffery and I were not meant to be together. I was so confused. “If this man is not meant for me, then why does it feel so right to be with him?” I asked God this question as I prayed fervently for things to be right. I discussed the dreams with Jeffery and he also prayed about it.

We tried to move on with our lives but the dreams kept coming back. It was showing me a man who was meant to be my husband. This man is someone I know but we were not close. So I didn’t bother to pay attention to him. My focus was getting the dreams to stop so I could go on with my life. Through all this, Jeffery made me a promise; “Babe, no matter what comes our way, we will stand together and fight it.” We even prayed together so we’d stand united in the spiritual realm, but the dreams kept coming.

Things got so bad that we became worried. “Maybe, these dreams are coming from God. If not, they would have stopped,” I said to him one day. He responded, “You are right. I have been thinking about all of this but none of it makes sense. Maybe we should end things.” It tore us apart to walk away from each other but we believed it was what God wanted. It took me a lot of strength to move on from Jeffery and continue to ask God to bring me the man he wants me to marry.

Later, Jeffery got married to another lady and even had a baby with his wife. Me, I was still single and waiting for the son of man God had appointed for me. I didn’t know if he would come or not, but I waited all the same.

Many men came my way but I rejected all of them because none of them seemed like “the one”. I had people telling me, “You keep pushing these good men away with the excuse that you are waiting for God. One day you will wake up and realize that your youth is gone, and your suitors with it. That’s when you will feel disappointed and start regretting all your choices.” I felt they didn’t understand what I was dealing with so I ignored everyone.

After two years of waiting, he finally came. I am talking about the man in my dreams. The first thing he told me was, “I am sorry if this sounds crazy but I have been having dreams about you for a very long time now. I have tried to ignore the dreams but they keep coming back. So I believe that you are meant to be my wife.” Oh, I was glad. My lips overflowed with praises for God.

Without hesitation, I agreed to date him. Everyone who knew my story rejoiced with me. I even became the talk of all the young women in my vicinity who were also waiting on God for their husbands.

However, it didn’t take long for things to start going wrong in the relationship. I did the best I could to make it work but Godsgift made the whole experience a bitter taste in my mouth. There was no love from his end. And he didn’t put in any effort to nurture the love we could share. He wouldn’t even give me attention. Several nights, I went to bed crying and woke up in tears. I was in a God-given relationship but depression hit me in ways I did not think was possible.

I remember telling him one day that I don’t feel his love. He answered, “It’s not my fault. I am a very busy guy. Sometimes I even forget about you until you call me.” Yes, it was that terrible. No matter how many times I complained, he wouldn’t compromise.

There was a time I got so angry that I spoke harshly to him. He got angry and refused to talk to me until I apologized to him for days. When he finally forgave me he explained, “The problem is that I never loved you from the start. I am only with you because God told me about you. I also didn’t have any other options so I succumbed to His will. I don’t know how we are going to make this work.” When he said this, I thought about Jeffery and cried. I couldn’t believe I left the love of my life for the man of my dreams, and he wouldn’t even try to love me.

A time came when Jeffery called me frequently to check up on me. I realized he was missing me as much as I missed him. He even asked me once, “If I want to come back to you, will you accept me?” I firmly shut him down and advised him to focus on his marriage. Meanwhile, my relationship with Godsgift kept getting worse.

For years, I became a shadow of myself. My memories and choices haunted me. But through it all, I didn’t give up on God. I don’t know what his plan is. I don’t understand why he gave me a man who did not want me. But I am comforted in the knowledge that only He knows the end from the beginning.

I found the courage to write this because my heart is healed now. I have accepted my singlehood and I am at peace with it. Whatever God wants for me, I trust that it is good. I am currently in my mid-thirties but I am still not married. This would have bothered me in the past. However, I am okay with it now. God has given me peace and for that, I am grateful. I hope my story encourages other women who also waiting on God not to give up. You are not alone.