She Won’t Let Me Do It Until I Make Full Payment

She was living in the neighborhood of a house I rented an apartment in last year. I only used to see her around the house. We didn’t talk much except for the occasional small talk. Stuff like, “Hello, how are you?” Or “Hi, where have you been? I haven’t seen you in so long. Did you travel?” Our conversations only stayed on the surface but she always had a warm and bubbly demeanor. Whether I talked to her on a rainy day or on a sunny day, she spoke with the freeness of a two-year-old.

Her energy was so pure and innocent. That’s why I was concerned when I saw her looking sad one day. The first time it happened I didn’t make much of it. I thought, “People’s moods change sometimes. Maybe she is having one of those days.” The second time I saw her clothed in melancholy, I asked her; “You don’t seem to be yourself lately. What’s the problem?”

That day she told me she was having some financial challenges. I cheered her up and told her to hang in there. As the days passed, I noticed that she was constantly down. She no longer had the cheerful smile I had gotten used to. So I started engaging her more and more. This is how we became friends.

I invited her to my home. Sometimes she would spend days with me before returning to her place. My landlord didn’t like the fact that I was having her over but I didn’t care. She needed help and I was there for her. That was all that mattered to me. I felt I was doing the right thing taking care of her financial and emotional needs, although we were just friends.

When things got too complex between my landlord and me, I moved out and rented a new apartment. I asked Ama to move in with me and she did. It was as if I had adopted her. Everything she needed was on me. I provided her with food. I bought her clothes and also made sure she had internet access. Outside these things, I still took care of all the other things she needed to live comfortably.

It took me a while before I developed romantic feelings for her and asked her to be my girlfriend. She said yes without a second’s thought. Things flowed naturally between us. But when we got to the part where we had to do what lovers do she would tell me, “No. I am not ready.” I didn’t want it to seem like I was taking advantage of her so I never even tried to persuade her. The moment she turns me away, I let her be.

She has been living with me for about a year now and we still haven’t done it, but that’s not my problem. My problem has to do with her attitude. When she is going out, and I ask her, “Where are you going?” She would start shouting at me. She would ask me, “What is it? Is it because I am living with you that I must report my every move to you? You are not my husband, so you can’t tell me what to do.” After her rants, she would go and come back anytime she liked.

Her lifestyle is frustrating me. I have sat her down several times and told her, “If you are not ready for a relationship, tell me so I look for someone else. I am getting older and I need a woman who is serious and ready to settle down.” She tells me she is ready to start a family, but first, I have to give her money to start a business. “If you set up a business for me I will know that you love me. Then I will give you shuperu.” I gave her part of the money to prove my commitment to her but nothing has changed yet.

She wants me to give her the full amount before she accepts that I am serious about her. Because I haven’t done that, she looks for the slightest opportunity to shout at me. I am a calm person with a dash of madness. But when it comes to her I am always calm. Even when she drives me crazy, I am not able to face her with my anger. I just watch her do her things. She has turned me into a dog who cannot bite.

I was planning to start a family with her but I don’t think I can put up with her behavior for the rest of my life. A voice in my head is telling me that maybe if I marry her she will change. But another voice says she won’t change so I should leave her. I don’t want to make the wrong choice. That’s why I have brought my story to you. Please advise me on what to do.