Our Two-Month Age Gap Is The Last Straw Breaking The Back Of Our Marriage

My husband is the kind of man who believes that his role as a husband is all about provision. Once, he has provided for you, nothing else concerns him. We have four children in the marriage. This means more parenting time and more domestic work to be done. He leaves all of that for me to do, just because he provides. Meanwhile, it’s not as if I am a housewife or stay-at-home mum.

I also work a regular job like him. When he goes to work, he would return late at night. At that time, our kids would have gone to sleep so they wouldn’t see him. He would be out first thing in the morning so that leaves no room for him to help them prepare for school either. And on days that he returns home from work early, my husband would be on his phone the entire night. Whether the kids are crying for his attention, hungry, or fighting among themselves, he wouldn’t lift a finger to help.

He would just sit there engrossed in his phone oblivious to the family he shares a home with. His behaviour is so obvious to the children that they ask him where he goes to when he is not at home. There was a time when one of them asked him, “Daddy, why do you always come home late?” Instead of this man to be gentle with his response he retorted, “Why? Is it a crime to stay out late?” When I told him, “That is no way to talk to your child,” he yelled at me. Since that time, he started yelling at me at the slightest chance he got. Questions that he can ask me calmly, he would rather shout them with anger in his tone.

He knows he doesn’t do anything to help the household after contributing money, but when something goes wrong in the house, he blames me for it. Even when the kids get hurt, he would say, “If you weren’t so negligent, this wouldn’t have happened.” He must either think I am Supergirl or he just delights in blaming me for everything he is not happy about.

He wasn’t like that in the beginning so I kept asking what changed. Well, I went through his phone once looking for answers, and almost fell sick after what I saw. I found out that he has a lot of girlfriends. He goes out of his way to be there for them in a way he is not there for our family. I was so disheartened but given the way he behaves, it was not even surprising that he was doing something like that.

Despite the hurt, I told myself I would turn a blind eye and focus on my children. And that’s how it has been. You would think I live with my children while my husband passes through the house from time to time. However, something happened recently that has awakened me to the reality of the man I married.

He is two months younger than me. That wasn’t a problem for me. He also acted as if he wasn’t bothered by it. But a few months ago, one of our mutual friends visited us, and age-difference in marriage came up in our conversations.

I thought I already knew his stand on the issue until he uttered the words, “A man should not be younger than his wife. I believe it is an insult for you as a man if your wife retires before you.” I felt he was just looking for an opportunity to express displeasure at our two-month age gap. I believe that was the last straw for me. Since that day, I feel done with the marriage. I haven’t told him how I feel but I have been ignoring him.

I don’t allow intimacy anymore either. I am at a crossroads now. I am wondering if I should fight for things to work or if I should just live like a single woman in the marriage and keep focusing on the children. Truth be told, I am so unhappy. Is this too marriage? Is this how marriages turn into after you’ve lived together for over ten years?