He is my older brother, seven years my senior, but he has always been a source of frustration in my life. When I reflect on my childhood, I find that the negative experiences with him far outweigh the positive ones.

After our father passed away a long time ago, I had hoped that my brother would step up and become the responsible figure in our household. Unfortunately, he turned out to be a toxic presence instead.

Throughout the years, my mother and I have continuously come to his aid, providing financial assistance on numerous occasions. It feels like all we have done is enable him. Even now, in his mid-40s, he continues to seek handouts and struggles to get his life together.

His spending habits have always been concerning. He would frequently use his money to buy weed and replace his car every four years, yet he has nothing substantial to show for it. He would invest heavily in car accessories, only to sell the vehicle and start the cycle all over again with new car payments.

A few years ago, at my mother’s request, I allowed him to move in with me. However, it quickly became apparent that this decision brought about more headaches than benefits. He would come and go as he pleased, constantly smoking weed throughout the day and leaving a mess behind. Even asking for rent became a difficult task. To give you an idea, I initially charged him $250, which eventually increased to $400.

I decided to charge him rent because I knew that if he became too comfortable, he would cease making any positive changes in his life. However, it didn’t take long for him to enter into a relationship with a woman who already had two children.

I warned him about the potential consequences and advised him to focus on his own financial stability before committing to a relationship. His previous relationships had always been toxic and involved children. I had even spent a considerable amount of time with his first two kids, only for them to grow up and no longer acknowledge me or their grandmother.

As expected, the relationship with the woman he moved in with eventually failed, and he found himself wanting to come back and live with me. Adding to the complexity, he had another child from a different relationship whom he had to save from adoption services. Even I believed it was unwise for him to gain custody of the child, knowing him as well as I do.

Now, I feel trapped. I am in my 30s, educated, with a career and a home of my own. Yet, I feel like I am losing my sanity because of him. The stress and emotional turmoil he has caused me are overwhelming, and it has strained my relationship with my mother. She was the one who suggested he live with me, and I was guilt-tripped into accepting.

Living with him is unbearable due to the toxic atmosphere he brings. His mere presence angers me, and I am frustrated by the amount of time and resources I have wasted on him. It feels like we are stuck in a never-ending cycle, and I can’t recall a single year where we didn’t have arguments or conflicts.

At this point, all I want is peace. Am I wrong for wanting to distance myself from my family? I am emotionally and mentally exhausted, and I long for some respite.