My Mother’s Daughters Couldn’t Get Married Until It Got To My Turn

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My mother has four girls with my dad, and I am the last born. My stepmother also has four children with my dad. The youngest are twin boys. Because of this, my father favours them over us. As I grew older, I noticed a trend on my mum’s side of the family. All the women never got married but ended up having children with men who never acknowledged them as partners or spouses. Some of the women had multiple children with different men. The scary part of it all was, it continued with my sisters.

My first sister gave birth to her first child at the age of eighteen and the second child at the age of twenty-one with the same man. She was going to marry him but we found out that he was already married and only dated my sister because his wife couldn’t bear him a child. When my sister found out about this, she was devastated. It took several years for her to pull herself together and move on with her life. My second sister got pregnant and had a baby for a man who later ran away abroad and never came back. We learned a few years ago that he is now married with two children.

My third sister was engaged to be married but three weeks to her wedding, she caught her fiancée in bed with another woman. He didn’t show any remorse. He was only disappointed that he got caught. Another man came into her life and she got pregnant with him. Later, this same man confessed to her that he was married. He promised to leave his wife for my sister but that never happened. Both my half-sisters from my stepmom’s side did not get into these kinds of trouble. They both got married and had children of their own with their husbands.

The problem seemed to be only on my mum’s side of the family so I was determined to change it. I remained a virgin until I got into nursing school. I initially wanted to remain that way until marriage but peer pressure got to me. Before I completed my three-year program, I had slept with about five guys. I always insisted that my partners use protection or in the event that it happened without one, I quickly got a morning-after pill as a measure to avoid pregnancy. For one reason or another, my relationships never lasted. The longest one was over a year. All the others were usually around four or five months old.

As I grew older and fewer men approached me, I wondered if I would ever find a man I would call my own. Someone who would marry me and call me his wife. This thought often kept me up at night and a lot of the time, I cried myself to sleep.

That was when I met Samson. I was at my lowest point and he seemed like a nice guy. When he asked me to be his girlfriend just after knowing me for less than a month, I said yes to him. I was desperate to find love so I didn’t really give his proposal much thought. I found out after I got into the relationship that Samson had a bad temper despite his calm demeanour.

Once, I visited him and he tried to get intimate with me. I wasn’t in the mood so I resisted him. He flared up and asked me to leave his house at that very moment. It was well after 10: 00 PM and his neighbourhood was quite remote so taxis didn’t really pass there, especially at night. I begged him to at least let me stay the night and leave at dawn but he refused. He said, “There is no point in you spending the night here if I won’t have my way with you.” So, against my wishes, I allowed him to have his way with me. Immediately I heard the first cars pass around 5 am, I dressed up and left. I didn’t even wake him up or leave a note. I just left.

I saw him calling me on my way home but I refused to answer. He kept calling and I kept ignoring his calls. It was a 2-hour journey from his place to mine and he kept calling till I got home but I didn’t pick up until I got home. He asked why I left without telling him. I responded, “You are a wicked person. This relationship is over.” He feigned innocence, asking what he did but I hung up on him. I was at home when he showed up in the afternoon. He apologized for what he did the previous night but I was too angry to hear him out. I told him I was done with him and that I didn’t want to see or hear from him ever again. He went on his knees but I shut the door in his face. Just because I wanted a husband doesn’t mean I would let someone treat me like trash. That relationship lasted just three months.

After him, I thought love would never find me. I resigned myself to a life of singlehood and decided to focus on myself, my career and all the business ideas that I had in mind. Just about a month later, I got a message from a friend from nursing school. She sent me a picture we took on our last day of school and captioned it: “A friend of mine saw you in this picture and says he wants your number. I have said No several times but he keeps bugging me. Should I give him your number?” I laughed at first. But I thought about it for a few minutes and gave her the go-ahead.

A week later, a strange number called me;

“Hi, am I speaking to Mary?”

“Yes, this is Mary. Who am I speaking to please?”

“My name is Ken. I got your number from Ewurakua.”

“Oh hi, Ken, nice to finally hear from you. I thought you wouldn’t call. Akua told me she gave my number to you last week.”

He apologized for not calling earlier because of his busy work schedule. He sounded honest and gave off a strong sense of confidence. I was impressed by him by the end of the call. From that day onward, we spoke almost every day and met up on weekends. He would either come to my place or I would go over to his end. He didn’t like going out very much so we were mostly indoors watching movies and chatting about stuff.

On one of his visits to my place, he proposed love to me and I said yes. We got intimate for the very first time that day and it was underwhelming. He lasted all of a minute. I could see from his face that he was greatly embarrassed. So I called to tease him after he left my place. He told me, “The next time we meet, I will give you a run for your money.” We both joked about it until I went over to his place the next weekend. Again, it was a very underwhelming performance from him and despite all the jokes and teasing, I really appreciated the love that he showed me.

Thankfully, he got better as time went on. Even with that, I continued to make fun of him, and he also teased me back. It was at this point that I knew I had a man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And just like that, barely a year after we started dating, we were ready to go to the altar. I told my mother and my sisters about it and they were all very happy for me. Finally, someone from our side of the family will be able to break the cycle and get married before starting a family.

About 6 months to our wedding, Ken had a weird dream. In the dream, he was standing at the altar with me but before we could exchange vows, he saw me holding hands with another man. He said when he saw this, the people in the church pushed him outside and locked the doors. It was at that point that he woke up. After he told me about it, we prayed. About a month later, he had another dream that was similar to the last one.

In this dream, he was waiting for me at the church on our wedding day but I never showed up and his friends began laughing at him. He ran outside only to see me standing side-by-side with another man and holding hands. It looked like I married the man instead of him. As he tried to approach me, a group of men blocked his path and knocked him to the ground. This time around too we prayed against anything that would come between us and destroy our union.

READ MORE: I’m Not Able To Marry My Girlfriend Because I’m Scared I Will Lose My Job

A week later he had another dream. This dream was equally as terrible as the others. In this dream, we were having our wedding in a garden. My father then walked me up the aisle and just when Ken was about to take my hand from him, another man pushed him aside and my father gave me to that man. When Ken asked my father why, he was told that I am not his wife and that the man he gave me to was my real husband.

I spoke to my mother and my pastor about these dreams and we prayed. I even ended up doing 30 days of fasting and prayers with Ken. After that, he never had any more of those dreams or if he did, he never shared them with me.

I noticed that after the dreams and the prayers, Ken started having issues in his life. These issues always found a way to delay our special day. At a point, I even began to ask myself, “Are these dreams we prayed fervently against trying to manifest in our lives? Is it that Ken and I are not destined to be together?” I became afraid that one day Ken would wake up and say he didn’t want me anymore. However, each time we talked, he dispelled my fears. Even when we were having arguments, he made it clear that he wasn’t going anywhere. It wasn’t easy at all. It took three years for us to finally put all those minor inconveniences behind us and finally get married.

Our wedding day arrived in grand style and everything was beautiful. The joy I saw on the face of my mother and sisters is indescribable. It was as though someone had taken a huge burden off their shoulders and that person was me. What seemed to be a curse among the women in my family was broken. I am the first of my mother’s daughters to make it to the altar. The good thing is, I didn’t marry just any man for the sake of getting married. I married the man of my dreams, and he never failed to tell me, “Mary, you are the woman I have been waiting for my entire life. Now that I have you, I will never let you go. It’s going to be you and me together from here to eternity.”

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I was so happy that I didn’t put up with an unkind man like Samson out of desperation. I was even happier that my experience with him did not cause me to shut myself off from love. Because I still believed that there was someone out there for me, I met Ken and he gave me happiness in the palm of my hands. I would have loved to end here by saying, Ken and I spent the rest of our life in marital bliss but that would be unrealistic. Marriage begins after the wedding, and I will bring you a continuation of our story later.

–Mary

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