A few years ago, around 2017-2018, my mom started dating someone new. Initially, I was upset about it and made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t call him dad, which I still don’t. I had mixed feelings about him and felt uncomfortable around him. He used to make hurtful comments about my weight, which affected my self-esteem.

I made a childish mistake by throwing something at my older siblings when they didn’t cooperate with me. The consequence was having to walk around a large field for over four hours every day for a week during the summer. Sometimes I wondered if that punishment was allowed or if he had the right to enforce it, considering he wasn’t even my father. Other incidents occurred during that time, unrelated to punishments.

In 2020, while watching the news, the BLM riots were taking place. His sister, who isn’t very rational, made a comment about not hating them just because they’re white. This shocked me. On another occasion, I forgot to take out the trash during a visit, and he said something along the lines of “you better stop watching the news” and accused me of thinking I’m better than others because of the BLM coverage. It became clear to me at that moment that I would never like him.

The year 2021 was when things took a turn for the worse. They decided to move in together, and I had to share a small space with them while my older brother stayed with our grandparents. Financially, our family was stable, so that wasn’t a major concern.

In 2022, our “family” began to crumble. We faced financial instability, although it wasn’t entirely anyone’s fault. I should mention that my stepfather has severe anger issues. He would often get angry due to our situation and direct his anger towards my mom.

But the next day, they would act as if nothing happened, with my mom saying, “we talked it out… it’s just so stressful right now.” After experiencing this cycle multiple times, it became exhausting. He would also take out his work-related anger on her. Yet, everything would seem fine the next day.

This year, 2023, I genuinely believed they would get a divorce (which I hope for). My stepfather, with his anger issues, quit his high-paying job over some issues he could have resolved if he had communicated with his employer.

He often tells me to use my words, but he himself acts like a big baby. For a short period, my mom was the sole provider while I started applying for jobs. After quitting a few more jobs, he eventually returned to his original one. If only he had talked things out earlier, he could have remained employed there.

There was a terrifying moment when I thought he might harm my mom. One morning, during an argument, he accused her of cheating and even called her a derogatory name. Although he didn’t physically harm her, he implied that he wouldn’t mind going to jail for it. I believed this would be the breaking point for them, the moment they would finally get a divorce.

However, my hopes were dashed when my mom said, “We talked it out, he’s just stressed.” Why? There’s a condition attached to it: once my mom knows we’re financially stable without him, she will divorce him if a similar incident occurs.

Now, let’s fast forward to today. This morning, before school, he was angry at my mom for a trivial reason (related to her health). When my mom wanted to ask his opinion about her work, he responded with, “Don’t ask me anything because I won’t answer.

I told you, I’m done. Whenever I see you, I see red,” which sounded rather exaggerated and melodramatic. It’s impossible to associate a color with a person.

Shortly after, he went even further and said, “I don’t care if you talk to me, I don’t even care if you’re dying at the rotary,” implying that he wouldn’t care if she were in a life-threatening situation, like a car crash. I can’t handle this anymore. My mom responded in the same pattern as before, claiming that everything is fine after they “talked it out.”