My Involvement with My Married Ex-Boyfriend Didn’t Stop at Sleeping Together

It all began when I encountered an attractive and noble gentleman during a sweltering afternoon in 2013 at our shared residence. He appeared lost and in need of directions, so I kindly assisted him. That’s how I learned his name, Enoch. We exchanged contact information that day and started conversing once he found his way. He was engaging and enjoyable to talk to, and my heart unexpectedly opened up to him. Despite having made a personal vow to steer clear of men, Enoch proved to be a game-changer. I decided to keep an open mind and get to know him.

Before Enoch entered my life, I had sworn off men due to the painful experience with my ex-boyfriend. He had pledged eternal love, took my virginity, and then shattered my heart. Coming from a strict Christian upbringing with a pastor father and a mother who served as a deaconess, my knowledge of relationships with boys was limited. I was unaware that someone could deceive and manipulate with words to satisfy their own desires. Consequently, I easily believed my ex’s professions of love. This bitter experience fueled my disdain for men at the time I met Enoch. However, his presence was like a wrecking ball to my resolutions.

All my declarations about men being untrustworthy crumbled when we became friends. He treated me so well that I couldn’t help but fall in love with him. Although he never explicitly expressed his love, the connection between us was undeniable, and we started dating. Enoch also attended the same school as me, but due to financial constraints, he resided with a friend instead of a hostel. He struggled with food, so I took it upon myself to cook for him. Everything seemed to be going well until one weekend when I went home and received a call from a friend, informing me that Enoch had brought another girl to the hostel. I immediately confronted him over the phone, seeking an explanation. He claimed, “It’s my ex, Abrafi. She came to discuss some personal matters with me.”

Although we had previously discussed Abrafi, I was displeased that she had visited him in my absence. Therefore, I decided to take a bus the following day and return to school, hoping to find her there. However, she was gone. When I questioned Enoch’s friends about his relationship with Abrafi, none of them would provide any information.

By the time Enoch completed his studies and left campus, I was in my third year. The distance between us didn’t extinguish our love. He promised that we would formalize our relationship after I graduated, and I believed him. On his birthday, I wanted to be the first person to call him, so I dialed his number before dawn. Instead of hearing Enoch’s deep voice, a woman’s voice greeted me. I was momentarily stunned. Regaining my composure, I asked, “Why are you answering my boyfriend’s phone?” She responded with irritation in her voice, “This is Enoch’s girlfriend, Abrafi. I’m sure you’ve heard of me. I don’t appreciate you calling at this hour and disturbing our sleep. You’ll wake my baby up.”

Initially, I assumed she was referring to Enoch as the baby until I heard an actual baby crying. I was shocked but remained silent. I decided to wait until the next day before calling Enoch again. He confessed, “Yes, I have a baby with her, but we’re no longer together. It’s you I love. I don’t spend the night with her, trust me. Last night was a mistake.” Instead of breaking up with him, I chose to stay and fight for our love. When I had the opportunity, I retrieved Abrafi’s number from

his phone and saved it. I used Enoch’s photo as my profile picture, hoping that Abrafi would see it and realize that he was with me. I even sent her some photos of us together, but she didn’t react. Frustrated, I decided to call her and boldly stated, “Enoch and I are together.” To my surprise, she laughed and replied, “Then I feel sorry for you. Enoch is now my husband, and we have another baby on the way.”

That day, my world shattered. I thought our relationship was thriving, only to discover that he wasn’t even truly mine. As I connected the dots, I recalled all the times we met at his cousin’s place instead of his own home. He avoided introducing me to his mother, claiming he wasn’t financially ready for marriage yet. I even provided him with money to support his business, hoping we could marry sooner.

Devastated, I cried my heart out until I sought solace from my parents. They accompanied me to Enoch’s house, where I discovered the shocking truth. The same man who had acted impoverished around me had built a luxurious five-bedroom house, living there with his wife, mother, and two children. I was utterly stunned. How had I been so blind? How had this man played me for a fool? He begged for forgiveness from both me and my parents, but all Abrafi could say was, “Now that you know he is married, stay away from him.”

I wept for what felt like an eternity, but eventually, I gathered the strength to move on. I met someone else and gave love another chance. Things were going well, and we even started preparing for marriage. However, I discovered I was pregnant. We decided to postpone the wedding until after the baby’s arrival. Yet, soon after I gave birth, this man married another woman. Although it should have devastated me, it didn’t. The truth was, I never loved him the way I had loved Enoch.

After putting the drama of my previous relationship behind me, fate led me to cross paths with Enoch again on the streets of Adum. He looked as charming as ever. While talking to him, I realized that my feelings for him had never truly faded. I don’t think I ever stopped loving him. Enoch shared that he was running his own business while working as a hospital administrator. Curious, I asked about Abrafi. His expression turned somber, and he fell silent. Sensing his pain, I decided not to press the matter. He offered me a ride home, which unexpectedly led to us being intimate.

Initially, it was supposed to be a regrettable mistake, but it didn’t end there. I became pregnant with his child once again. When Enoch found out, he became outraged and insisted, “You can’t keep the baby. Get rid of it.” I fiercely opposed his demands, declaring, “No, I won’t. I love you, and keeping this child is my way of holding onto a part of you.” Although he was displeased with my decision, it no longer mattered. One day, I received a text from an unknown number that read, “God will punish you for dating my husband.” Upon checking the number on Truecaller, I discovered it was Abrafi. Surprised that she was still involved, I realized the damage had already been done. My love for Enoch was too strong for me to walk away a second time.

In 2021, I became pregnant with Enoch’s child for the second time, and now we have two boys. The eldest is three years old, and the youngest is a year and a half. Altogether, I have three children.

           What can We learn from this?

Trust your instincts: The protagonist’s initial reservations about Enoch proved to be valid. Trusting our instincts and listening to our gut feelings is crucial when entering new relationships. If something feels off or raises red flags, it’s important to take those feelings seriously and proceed with caution.

Communication is key: The lack of open and honest communication between the protagonist and Enoch led to misunderstandings and ultimately contributed to their relationship’s downfall. Effective communication is essential for building trust, resolving conflicts, and understanding each other’s needs and expectations. It is important to express concerns, feelings, and desires openly and respectfully to foster a healthy and thriving relationship.

Self-worth and boundaries: The protagonist’s initial acceptance of mistreatment and dishonesty stemmed from a lack of self-worth and a belief that she didn’t deserve better. This story highlights the importance of recognizing our own value, setting clear boundaries, and not settling for less than we deserve. It’s crucial to have self-respect and demand respect from our partners.

Healing and moving on: The protagonist’s journey from heartbreak to resilience shows that it is possible to heal and move on from painful experiences. It takes time, self-reflection, and self-care to recover from emotional wounds. This story reminds us that although healing may be challenging, it is possible to learn from past experiences, grow stronger, and find happiness again.

The consequences of infidelity: The story underscores the devastating impact of infidelity on all parties involved. It showcases the emotional turmoil and the destruction caused by betrayal. Infidelity erodes trust, damages relationships, and can have long-lasting effects. It serves as a reminder of the importance of trust, loyalty, and honesty in maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships.

The power of forgiveness: The protagonist’s decision to forgive Enoch, though difficult, demonstrates the strength and healing power of forgiveness. Forgiveness can be liberating and help individuals let go of resentment and move forward. However, it’s essential to note that forgiveness should not be misconstrued as accepting ongoing mistreatment or returning to toxic relationships. Boundaries and self-care should always be prioritized.

Prioritizing the well-being of children: The protagonist’s commitment to caring for her children, even in challenging circumstances, emphasizes the importance of prioritizing the well-being and needs of children in any relationship. Children should be shielded from the consequences of adult mistakes and provided with a safe and nurturing environment. It is vital to consider the impact of our actions on the lives and well-being of our children.

In summary, this story serves as a reminder to trust our instincts, communicate openly, set boundaries, prioritize self-worth, heal and move on from past wounds, value loyalty and honesty, embrace the power of forgiveness, and prioritize the well-being of children in our relationships. By learning these lessons, we can navigate relationships with greater awareness, resilience, and the ability to build healthier and more fulfilling connections.