Our Baby Is Almost One Year Old, But My Husband Has Never Touched Him, You Won’t Believe Why

My mother abandoned our family when I was ten. My dad was working as an agriculture officer at Kpando at the time. So he had to combine work and taking care of five children all by himself. He did the best he could, given the circumstances. And although we missed our mother, we were happy to have him.

Unfortunately, my dad started having kids a little late in life. He went on retirement just at the time I completed JHS. I also happen to be his firstborn. He couldn’t have afforded to see me through secondary school and take care of my younger siblings’ education at the same time. I believed the best thing to do for my family was to take myself out of the equation. That way, my poor old father would have one less mouth to feed. I had heard stories of people going to Accra in search of greener pastures.

And whenever they returned to Kpando, they looked good and rich. “Me too I will go to Accra in search of a better life,” I planned. I didn’t tell anyone about my decision. I just quietly snuck out at dawn when the village cock had not yet crowed. I got to Accra and realized life in the city is not a bed of rose petals. There were no jobs waiting for me like I had hoped. I felt like giving up and going back home, but I knew I would be going back to nothing.

So I strived through the difficulties. Through my struggles, I got a job as a house help. It was no easy work, but at least, I had a roof over my head. I had access to three square meals. And I could save my salary to put myself through vocational school. It was a good opportunity until I found out the reason my boss hired me is so he could use me for rituals. I ran for my life. But somehow I ended up getting sick for over a year. No hospital treatment worked. All the tests we ran said I was fine, even though I was dying.

Thankfully, I met one of my relatives who took me to the Achimota forest to pray for me. That is where I received my healing. I still wanted to go to vocational school, so I got a job as a cleaner. The money was not much but I managed to save something at the end of the month. When I got enough money to pay for admission fees, I enrolled in a school around East Legon to study catering and hospitality management. By then I was living with my relative and her husband at Baatsona.

While in school, I worked as a cleaner, and occasionally at a construction site so I could get money for transportation and other school expenses. On days I don’t get work to do, I would walk to school. So one day, one of my cousins complained, “Instead of struggling so hard to work and school, why don’t you get yourself a man? If you have a boyfriend, he would support you on days you are financially down. It will make like easier for you.” I was very young and impressionable.

I was also tired of enduring hardships. If there was an easy way out, I was willing to try it. My cousin told me she had the perfect man for me. “He doesn’t live in Accra so you don’t have to see him all the time. You will get the help you need for school and the time you need to learn. Give him a try.” I agreed for her to introduce me to this perfect man she has for me. Elikem lives in the Volta region so I did not get to meet him before I agreed to be his girlfriend.

True to what my cousin said, he made my burden lighter. He was of great help to my education. In return for his kindness, I would meet him once in a while and give him a pound of flesh. I knew what I was doing was wrong, especially after he told me he had a wife. But I felt I had to commit a necessary evil to get to where I wanted to go. Later in our relationship, I discovered that Elikem lied about having a wife.

What he had was four wives and fourteen children. Unfortunately, this revelation came at a time when I had already fallen in love with him. I was not planning on becoming another one of his wives. However, I wanted to continue to ride on his benevolence till I finished school. l was in my final year at school when my relative’s husband recommended me to a woman who was an assistant manager at GCB. The woman promised to help me enroll in Accra Polytechnic, provided I move into her house.

It was another opportunity to better my life, so I took it. I went to live with the woman before l completed school. Just when I moved in with her, I found out that I was pregnant. I decided that I would get rid of it, so I didn’t tell anyone, not even Elikem. So I was surprised when Elikem called me and randomly asked if I was pregnant. “No, I am not. Where is this coming from?” I asked. He said, “I dreamt you were pregnant. You tried to get rid of it and you died. That’s what happens when someone tries to abort a pregnancy that belongs to my family. The person dies.” I told him it was just a dream.

However, he kept having the same dream about me, so after the fifth dream, I admitted the truth. I asked him to help me get rid of it so I could further my education but he refused. He said if I tried it, I wouldn’t live. “I have money to take care of you and the child so what’s your problem? I will marry you.” I knew he would but I didn’t want it. I wasn’t ready to be a mother or a wife but I didn’t have much of a choice.

I couldn’t tell my madam that I was pregnant. I felt I would disappoint her. So I told her I was going to visit my father in the village. When I left I never returned. She called several times and begged me to come back but I couldn’t do it. Elikem came to perform my knocking rites and I moved in with him. It was a family house. He had two of his wives and ten of his children living with him over there.

His brothers and sister also lived in the house. I was an addition nobody was happy about. He just woke up one day and started maltreating me. It was as if my presence irritated him. He didn’t care if I ate or if I was sick. In my seventh month of pregnancy, Elikem stopped sleeping in my bed.

He would go out and return the next day. When I complain, he would beat me and degrade me in front of everyone. When I finally delivered, he didn’t come to the hospital. It was his brother who came to pay the bills and took us home. My baby will be one year old in July of this year. However, Elikem has not touched either me or his son since we came home from the hospital. My rivals see this and they mock me.

They go about telling people that our husband does not sleep with me. And neither does he eat my food. They also talk about the fact that he has never touched our baby. I have not experienced happiness since I moved in with Elikem.

He says he wants to leave me and marry his new girlfriend. He rented an apartment for the girl. Meanwhile, I don’t even have a fan in my room. When the weather gets hot, I constantly wipe his son with a wet towel to keep him from crying. I am only twenty-two, but I look twice my age due to depression. At this point, I have had enough. I am not a lazy person, so I will not waste away in this man’s house.

I want to take my son and go into the world and hustle. I am not new to hardship so that’s not my problem. My problem is, I have never had to do it with a child. What will life out there be like for me and the baby? Just like in the past, my goal is to save money and further my education.

Some people may insult me for the choices I made, but that’s okay. I just need some words of encouragement. l need someone to tell me that everything will be alright. —Shirley Do you have any relationship experience to share?