I Thought A God-Fearing Man Was An Answer To My Relationship Problems Until I Got One

I was looking for a God-fearing man who’ll treat me right. The guys I met didn’t fear God so they treated me like I wasn’t part of God’s creation. They hit me when I was already down. They promised me the world and yet took away the village I was living in. They had no fear of God in them. If anything, God rather feared them when it came to the way they treated me.

The last guy I dated ran away with my money. He told me his mother needed urgent surgery or she’ll die in no time. I shivered and gave him the little that I had. I gave him all my savings thinking I was saving a life of a mother. He travelled to the village and never came back. He changed his contact because of me. We had dated for only five months. I didn’t know so much about him apart from his name and his dream of becoming a doctor.

I was losing hope in men before Dennis came along. He cane with a perceived fear of God and vintage humility you could hardly see in men. He said please before he said anything to me. “Please, how was your night?” “Please can I see you this evening? There’s something I would like us to talk about.” Please, don’t be angry about what I’m going to tell you.”

I told him, “Go on, please. I won’t be angry.”

He proposed that day looking like a man who was created with the fear of God. I loved him. As I said earlier, I was enchanted by his humility and modesty and the way he treated me. I was like the last golden egg in his hand. He held me with soft gloves so I don’t break. Those were the things I never saw in the devils I dated before him. I hugged him. I said yes. I made him mine and he took me into his world of humility. Dennis is a complete man but half of who he is as a man had been taken away by his lack of dreams.

He’s a church boy through and through. He goes to church from Monday to Sunday. When I asked about his job before I said yes to him, he told me he was working in the church. He didn’t tell a lie. I was the one who misunderstood him. I thought he was the accountant of the church because he did accounting at the university and passed with flying colours. The flying colours part also came into our conversation. By all standards, he looked like a clever man. It was for that reason I thought he could be the accountant of his church.

He invited me one day to his church and I saw how small the church was, how young the head pastor was and how few the church members were and asked myself, “Is this the church he’s an accountant for? What is he actually accounting for? The deeds of the church members? No, I have to ask the right questions because I think I have the wrong answer.”

The head pastor walked to me during prayers and touched my forehead with oil. He said, “Madam please come forward.” I did. He said God had revealed things to him about me while praying and that God demands that I stay under his feet for him to reveal greater things about my life to me.

The church clapped in jubilation. The drummer played a beat and the whole church responded with a chorused clap. The drummer was Dennis. He controlled the rhythm of the church with his playing skills that day. Pastor prayed and told me not to harden my heart. That was the last time he saw me in that church though my heart is as soft as the yoke in an egg.

When I left with Dennis, I asked him, “Clearly, a church like this doesn’t need a resident accountant so what do you actually do for the church?” He smiled with a silent swagger of an anointed drummer. I was looking at him, waiting for his answer. “But I didn’t tell you I was an accountant?” He said. I responded, “Yeah you didn’t tell me. I assumed because of your background. I don’t want to assume any longer so tell me what you do?”

“I work for the church. Sometimes I’m the drummer. Other times I’m the keyboardist. I’m the youth leader here. Everything the church needs before we can have a successful service, I provide.”

“And are you paid at the end of the month?”

He broke his stride just to look at me. “Paid? Who gets paid for working for the church? These are the things I’m doing on earth to secure my place in heaven. It’s not a paid job. I’m still working on getting a job outside the church to sustain my life but this one, I do it to sustain the church.”

It’s the church that makes him humble. It’s the church that has made him respect women the way he does. It’s the church that raised him to say please before he talks. I love the manifestation of the church in his life but I couldn’t love his complete dedication to the church without looking out for himself. I took it as a job to make him see the need to get a job. A five-year-old university graduate shouldn’t live under the care of his parents all in the name of church service.

When I asked when was the last time he applied for a job, he didn’t remember but he said, “Not too long ago.” Not too long ago could be years. I know Dennis so I started pushing him around small.

To change a man is not easy. To change a man whose faith is in his church is a daunting task but I was willing to try. You can’t get it all in a man. Those who came with good jobs were not good to my heart. The one who’s good to my heart also came without a job. Life is like that. Lemons today. Honey tomorrow.

I got his CV and started applying for jobs online on his behalf. When I do, I’ll tell him what kind of job and the name of the company. I talked to friends, “Don’t you need an accountant where you work? There’s a servant of God who wants different services in the corporate world.  He says please before he talks. Don’t you need him?”

One day I got him an interview and he didn’t attend because the church went to pray on the Atwea mountains.

“Dennis, are you serious at all? You’re a man. You need something outside the church that can help you man your life. The opportunity came and you let go?” His answer was, “If I didn’t go with the pastor, he would have been disappointed.”

For the first time, I asked about his age and he asked me what age has gotten to do with it. I wanted to be sure I wasn’t dealing with a boy. I had assumed his age to be around thirty. He said he was twenty-nine. At twenty-nine, all he had was humility and how to say please before he talks.

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I got angry. I told him if he loves the church more than his own life, then I couldn’t be part of it. He apologized not for his refusal to attend the interview but for making me angry. He said, “Don’t be angry, please. God knows what he does and in his appointed time, he’ll glorify himself.”

We are a year together but God hasn’t glorified himself yet in his life. He thinks it’s still not the appointed time yet but I think he’s just being a boy. While writing this story he called me and I asked where he was. He said, “I’m in church. We had a long church meeting today, we just closed. Did you cook something today?”

I just returned from work but I have to cook for him because if I don’t, he might fast.

His own parents don’t respect him. His junior siblings make fun of him because he’s not the kind of elder brother they want to see. His junior brother is doing his national service and if you see him, the light of his dreams can hurt your eyes but all Dennis does is clean church, play drums on Sunday, organize the youth for God and come home with nothing. Honestly, I’m giving up. If I follow humility, my own life would be humbled. I will marry a man who’s already married to the church.

Can you imagine his own mother asking what I see in his son that I follow him around? She even expects me to leave him for his lack of life and dreams. The last time she asked if I’m following her son because no man wants me.

I hate the fact that no one is pushing him to do something. I want to be the one to help him because he listens to me but the way he’s married to that small corner church, if I don’t take care, I’ll waste my life along his. So I’m thinking of leaving him but then again my head keeps making me feel guilty that I’m leaving a man who loves me with all humility. A man who says please before he talks. What If I leave today and tomorrow God glorifies himself in his life?

What Was Your Response When An Ex Wanted To Come Back?

All I need to make him complete is a job. If he had a job and continued doing what he does for the church, I wouldn’t be worried. I would stick with him and build a future with him but the way things are, I’m afraid. Every sign tells me I should leave while we are still young but it’s this one tiny voice in my head that keeps telling me to stay. What if that voice is the voice of God?

–Amanda

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