How Do I Choose Between The Man I Love And The Man Who Loves Me?

When I started dating Daniel in 2015, he was everything I wanted in a man. I never even thought for a moment that he was not enough for me. Everything he did and said in the relationship made me happy. There were other men desperately trying to get my attention. They knew I had a boyfriend but it didn’t matter to them. And I also always turned them with the words, “I am with someone who makes me happy, so I am good.” My happiness was a crown I wore for all to see.

I was so sure that nothing would ever change what we had between us, but Daniel proved me wrong when he started behaving like a different person. By 2017, I felt alone in the relationship. He only spoke to me when it pleased him. I would ask to see him and he would tell me he was busy. I would call him and he wouldn’t pick up. It took hours for him to respond to my texts.

While he was ignoring me, Solo came into the picture. He gave me the kind of attention I needed from my man. It felt good to be wanted again. We had an easy connection that made me feel seen and understood. So when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes. For the first time in my life, I was in a relationship with two men.

I was playing my game well, I thought. Unbeknownst to me, my boyfriend was monitoring me. Someone who couldn’t be bothered to have a conversation with me on the phone started paying attention to me when he realized I no longer cared what he did. That’s how he got to know about Solo. He got so angry.

“Why did you go for another man when you have me?” He screamed. “You pushed me to cheat,” I retorted, “If you hadn’t been ignoring me, I wouldn’t have felt so lonely that I would welcome the attention and affection of another man.” We had a deep conversation and for the first time in many months, he listened to me. He explained that he had been busy with work and didn’t know how badly his behavior was hurting me. “I am sorry for my role in this,” he apologized. I too apologized for cheating and broke up with Solo. All was forgiven and we moved forward in the relationship.

Things were going so great until a year passed. He started entertaining a certain girl. I had my suspicions that they were together. When I tried to talk about my concerns he assured me, “There’s nothing going on between us. She’s just helping me with some business.” I don’t know what kind of business relationship people have but what Daniel had with this girl was more than professional.

One day I took the girl’s number from Daniel’s phone and called her. Just like him, she denied having anything romantic to do with him. When my boyfriend found out that I spoke to his girl, he got angry and blocked me. This happened in the latter part of 2018. I was so hurt that he would do this. For one whole month, I cried and begged him to talk to me but he wanted nothing to do with me.

While I was nursing my wound, Solo walked back into my life. He said he still loved me, and that he would like us to give each other another chance. I told him all about Daniel and our problems. I expected it to push him away but he said, “Try me and see if I will not treat you better than he does.” My heart was still with Daniel but I told myself, “They say love grows. Maybe if I give this one another chance, I will fall in love with him eventually.”

A few weeks after I started going out with Solo again, Daniel popped back into the picture. He said he was sorry for the way he handled things. “Please, I will do better if you take me back. Just give me one more chance and you’ll see for yourself that I am a changed man.” I should have told him about Solo but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I still loved him, you know.

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I’ve been with these two men since 2019. Unlike Daniel, Solo knows that he is not the only man in my life. I told him the truth about Daniel and me getting together but it didn’t faze him. He told me, “Don’t think that I will let you go because he is back in the picture. This time, I am willing to stay and fight tooth and nail for our love.”

I appreciate his sentiments, but he is the one I want to break up with. However, he is a good guy so my conscience won’t let me go through with it. How can I walk away from someone who has always been there for me? He has made it his mission in our relationship to make me happy. If for some reason I am sad, he does everything possible to make things better and more bearable.

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He pampers me as he would a baby, yet he still makes me feel like a queen. Daniel, on the other hand, easily gets angry with me and goes out of his way to make me sad. Why am I still with him then? Well… because he pushes me to do my best in life. He is always advising me on the things I should do with my life and the right way to do them. He wants me to be a better person in the future. Even when I start to doubt myself, he sees good things in me that I don’t see in myself. He has really helped me to uncover things I never thought I had. This is why despite, Solo’s best efforts, I keep choosing Daniel.

Now, my concern is that I could be wrong in all this. Maybe someday I will regret choosing the man I love over the man who loves me and treats me well. Maybe I wouldn’t. I just don’t want to make the wrong choice and end up in a place of bitterness later in life. That’s why I’m here. Please, guide me in the direction of the man I should choose.

—Makua

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