Why Can’t My Family Invest My Funeral Money In Me While I Am Still Alive?

I am the third born among five children. They say parents don’t have favourites but I have felt like the least favourite child among my siblings to this day. I don’t know my father’s whereabouts but I know his family and although they also know me,  they don’t acknowledge my existence. I can say the same about my mother’s family as well. They too act as though I don’t belong in the family. It breaks my heart when this happens, but what can I do?

Growing up, my mother who raised all five of us always singled me out to receive punishments for mischiefs I know nothing about. I gained a reputation as a problem child. So even if my siblings did something wrong, my mother would conclude that I was the one responsible. Sure, I was not a perfect child but I was only a child. The kind of beatings I received were more like exorcisms than attempts to correct bad behaviour.

My family’s neglect translated to the investments they made in my education. They didn’t think I was bright enough to be educated. So I had to sell and basically go through hell to put myself through SHS. Unfortunately, I failed some of my WASSCE papers so I ended up proving them right.

I was determined to make something of my life so I did not allow my failure to hold me back. I spoke to my eldest brother and he agreed to register me for Nov/Dec. I took my studies seriously and put in the hours but I still failed my exams. It was bad. The hope I felt started depleting. However, I thought about my prospects with only an SHS certificate and realised there was not much I could do. So I spoke to my brother again, “I am sorry I disappointed you but I want to make things right. Please pay for me to register for the exams again. This time around I won’t fail.” My brother eyed me as if he was eyeing someone he did not trust. After assessing me he said, “I took a chance on you and you proved that nothing better can come out of you. So I won’t waste any more money on you.”

I didn’t have any other options so I gave up on the idea of going to school. I got a job so I would at least survive but I ended up spending more than half of my income on transportation to work. I could barely survive on the rest let alone save money. That’s how come I am almost twenty-seven but I still share a single room with my mother and two of my brothers who are drug addicts. Whenever they come home for the night I have to find somewhere else to sleep. It is the only way to co-exist peacefully with them.

They say family is blood but I can’t even share my problems with my own family. Instead of comforting me, they would rather call for my blood. I happen to be an introvert so I don’t even have any friends I can talk to. It’s basically me alone against the world. Despite all my troubles,  I have been open to the possibility of love. The burdens of life are easier to carry when you have someone to share them with. So why not let love in?

In 2020 I met a sweet and kind man who promised to love me till eternity. This man believed in my dreams and offered to help me rewrite my failed papers. I fell in love with him faster than I could say fast. He seemed too good to be true. So I asked him, “How is someone like you single? Are you sure you don’t have a wife hiding somewhere?” He laughed, “Where would I be hiding this supposed wife? In my armpit?” “Come on, be serious. I want to know the truth,” I probed.

He told me he used to be married but not anymore. I asked why they got divorced and he shrugged, “Just one of those things.” He seemed uncomfortable talking about it so I let it go. As proof of his love, he sent me back to SHS to rewrite my WASSCE, and thankfully, I passed. After the exams, we were planning for him to send me to tertiary school. It was just around that time that I found out he was still married to the woman he claimed he had divorced.

READ ALSO: I Have Ruined Two Of My Best Friend’s Relationships, And The Third One Is Hanging By A Thread.

Apart from the fact that I loved him, the prospect of him funding my education was appealing. However, my conscience wouldn’t allow me to knowingly have a relationship with a married man. So I walked away from the only person who seemed to care about me and my opportunity to further my education. What will become of me now?

I went to my eldest brother and asked him for help but he turned me away. My mother is a petty trader so she couldn’t do anything for me either. Meanwhile, these two people always run to the rescue of my drug-addict brothers whenever they get into trouble. This placed emphasis on the fact that I only have myself. I was looking for someone to sign a contract with. If they fund my education I would pay them back after school but I got no one. I even bought a form for a cosmetics school so I would learn how to do make-up. But I couldn’t afford transportation from where I used to live in Kasoa to the school in Achimota. I became so frustrated that I just quit.

What Would You Do If I Died Today? | Beads Media

My most recent attempt to upgrade myself was a business venture. People just bought my items on credit and refused to pay. I am starting to believe that I am not meant to succeed in life. I have cried myself to sleep countless times. I have become bitter, angry, sad, you name it. If I had someone to talk to, I would at least feel less alone in this big world.

There are times I ask myself, “So if I die right now, won’t my family get money to bury me? Why can’t they invest that money in my future while I am still alive?” They barely tolerate me but if I drop dead right now they will cry.

I seriously considered becoming a hook-up girl just to earn some money but I am scared I might contract a disease. So right now, I don’t know what else to do with my life. I want to help myself but I don’t know how to do that. All I have is an SHS certificate, no vocational skills, and a failed business. I need advice on what to do to gain financial freedom. Or if anyone here can teach or help me learn a skill, I will be grateful. I live in a town in the central region si it will be good if whoever wants to help me lives around that side too. I just want to do something to turn my life around.

–Ewura

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