When You Love Somebody, You Spend On Them Because Love Is Not Free

I had the notion that true love wasn’t about money so I went into relationships with my heart and closed my pocket. It was my heart that was in love and not my pocket. If a girlfriend asked for monetary help thrice in a relationship, I labeled her a golddigger and started finding a way to leave the relationship. Those I loved, I condoned their requests for a while and then closed my fist. They called me stingy and later left me for love’s greener pasture.

I was twenty-nine and had lost about six relationships in four years. Amanda’s hurt me the most. I loved her with all my heart but when she started asking for money, I told her, “Can’t you love me for who I am and stop asking me for money all the time? Were you not eating when I wasn’t in your life?” That girl said nothing. It was a phone conversation. She only dropped the line and that was it. I knew she loved me and was going to call me sooneror later. Three days without a call from her made me call her. She told me, “It’s been over since three days ago. I’ve moved on.”

“You’re moving on because I didn’t give you my money?”

“I’m moving on because you don’t look like a helper. You think if I had a job, I would ask for money from you?”

I was the one who cried for days. I was the one who went to beg for a comeback. It was over. Humpty Dumpty had fallen off the wall and was broken. My princely hand and repented heart couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again.

Years later I met Susanna. On my birthday she bought me a perfume. I saw the receipt in her bag. The perfume was GHC1,500. I screamed in my head, “Is this girl crazy? Why would she spend this much on a bottle of perfume?” She told me, “Money doesn’t bring happiness. It’s what we do with money that makes us happy. When you love someone, you’re happy to spend on them.”

The perfume remained in my drawer and I only sprayed it when I had an appointment with God at the pearly gate of heaven. Anytime I sprayed the perfume, I remembered what she told me, “When you love someone, you’re happy to spend on them.” I told myself, “It’s either I haven’t loved at all or I’m indeed stingy.”

On her birthday, I took her to an expensive restaurant, ready to spend all my monthly salary on her. The smile I saw on her face was nothing I’d ever seen on the face of a woman I dated. All night she was touchy. She asked, “Can we do this often? We don’t necessarily have to come here.”

Every weekend I took her out and spent something on her. When we didn’t need to spend, I took her to the beach, bought her a souvenir, and took thousands of photos of her. She would buy me a bracelet and I would buy her lingerie. She would buy me a belt and I would buy her a lunch. She bought me a huge teddy bear. I laughed. “Am I a baby to want a teddy bear?” She answered, “It’s not just a teddy bear. It’s also a pillow. Sleep on it when you miss me.”

Seven years later, I still have that teddy sitting on the headboard of our bed overlooking our wedding photos on the wall. It’s the most priceless gift I ever had from her. When she traveled to do her masters abroad, it was that bear pillow that kept me company until she returned.

We are a married couple now but I’ve never stopped spending on her. When she’s angry, I take her to a nice place, buy her favorite food, and tell her, “Now, let’s fight. You’re angry right?” She’ll eat in silence and when she’s done tell me, “You’re very annoying.”

We settle it and go home with a cheerful heart. I save for vacations. She saves to buy gifts for me and the kid. Our boy is only three years old but we are teaching him the need to spend on the things he loves. We spend on him because we love him. When he grows up and there’s someone he loves, he’ll spend on her because love is like that. It’s not all about spending but when there’s someone you love, you spend on them.

—Ambros 

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