We Were Happily Planning Our Wedding Until She Confessed What She Did Three Years Ago

Our relationship is seven years old and we are getting ready to settle down in a few months’ time. Why wait seven years? Her mother did not approve of our relationship and she strongly objected to us getting married. We don’t know her reasons but we were too in love with each other to allow her disapproval to break us up. So we kept going even when there seemed to be no hope. The whole point was to wear her out until she gives her go-ahead. However, the woman has the will of iron. She refused to back down until my girlfriend’s dad returned from abroad and gave us his blessing.

Now that we have the green light to get married, we have encountered a little iceberg that could halt our plans. It started in our fourth year in the relationship. By then she was doing her national service in an organization I secured for her. When she first started work she told me, “Guess what? The HR is hitting on me.” I answered, “The HR? Isn’t he the one supposed to make sure that these things don’t happen at the office?” We both talked further about it and even found it hilarious at some point. Later she assured me, “I told him I am in a serious relationship so he has taken his advances elsewhere.”

A few months later that she brought me another report, “After successfully getting the HR off my back without causing any drama, the IT guy in our department has decided to throw his hat in the ring. I told him I have a boyfriend but he seems to believe he can win me over.” Honestly, I wasn’t bothered by the attention she was getting from all these men. It is perfectly natural for a young beautiful woman like her to have men falling at her feet. All she has to do is to maintain healthy boundaries so that lines don’t get crossed. And she had always done that so I trusted her. Later she told me she firmly put the IT guy in his place so he stopped bothering her.

As time went on I bought her an iPhone. The phone needed an update but she didn’t know how to do it. I live in Accra while she was in Takoradi for her service, so I couldn’t help her either. Her next option was to take it to the IT guy at her workplace and ask for his help. First, she discussed it with me, and I agreed for her to do what she needs to do. After he helped her out they became friends. She informed me, “Because we are cool with each other now, he has started asking me out again.”

I didn’t say any words but my silence was heavy with the question, “Should I be worried?” So she quickly assured me, “You know I will never get involved with him. He will realize that I am not interested and then he will stop.” I knew her so I trusted her to do the right thing. However, I started getting concerned when I found out their friendship was getting intense. “I don’t feel good about how close you’ve gotten to that guy. Whatever friendship you have going on, shut it down. Keep a healthy distance from him before things get out of hand.”

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She didn’t listen to me. She rather offered me more assurances, “Come on, there is nothing to fear here. You know that I won’t cheat on you. Besides he is a married man, that’s a no-no for me.” Her words did nothing to comfort me because their friendship remained intense. So I also kept complaining about it whenever it came up. I am usually a laid-back person but her attitude made me angry all the time so we were always arguing. I would leave Accra to go and visit her at Takoradi but we would end up arguing about this IT guy the entire time I am there.

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Every time we argued she would cry that I don’t trust her anymore. This went on for some time and she told me my complaints were getting too much for her to bear and that she is hurt by my words because she is not doing anything. Things were rough between us until she finished her national service and came to Accra. From there we faced the challenges her mother gave us and now in our seventh year, we are finally about to legitimize our relationship and settle down. Now is the time she chose to tell me she cheated on me when she was in Takoradi. And it was with no other person than the IT guy.

She said it happened at the time I used to argue with her and make her cry. The IT guy was always there to console her. So she ended up catching feelings for him and they got together. “I have felt guilty about it since it happened but I cannot allow us to get married with this kind of secret between us. I never thought I would cheat on you but it happened. I feel you deserve to know the truth before we take things further.” She has apologized and begged me not to leave her because she loves me and wants us to start our married life on a clean slate. I feel hurt and so betrayed but I still love her too. I know she is a good woman so I don’t know what to do. Do I call off everything and walk away or do I stay and make it work?

–Zion

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