We Have Been Married For Six Months But I Want A Divorce

I was in my friend’s hostel room studying when her boyfriend came to visit. He was with his best friend. They were both not students like us. They were a little older, had completed school, and were working. They were very chatty that day but I was busy studying so I didn’t join their conversation. Luckily, they didn’t stay for long. And when they finally left I was relieved. But then, my friend told me, “Esi, my boyfriend’s friend says he likes you. Do you like him?” Immediately I told her, “You know that’s never going to happen. I have a boyfriend, remember?” My friend didn’t push the issue so we left it there.

Another time I was in my friend’s room when her boyfriend and his friend visited again. My first thought was, “Was this visit timed to align with my presence in her room? Or was it mere coincidence?” Anyway, I didn’t get into it. That day I wasn’t busy studying so I didn’t have a reason to stay out of their conversations. We talked about a wide range of topics and before they left, the guy took my number. His name is Bright. After that day, we started talking and he started visiting me on campus. He didn’t hide his intentions from me. He told me straightforward, “I want to marry you. I am not interested in playing around and wasting your time. So if you say yes, we will start the preparations right away.” I also told him that I already had a boyfriend so it wouldn’t be possible.

My answer didn’t deter him. He visited me every single day after work and we talked mostly about life in general. At some point, his friend ended his relationship with my friend. When that happened he said, “I don’t know why he broke up with her but don’t think I am like him. I know what I want and what I want is to marry you.” My boyfriend was still in the picture so my answer remained no. As always, my answer didn’t keep him away. Even after I completed school, he still pursued me. Along the line, my relationship with my boyfriend ended. After I recovered from the break up I decided to give Bright a chance. But when I finally said yes to him, he ghosted me.

I was disappointed but I focused on my work. While I was working I met someone. This new guy was amazing. He ticked all my boxes, and before long we were in a passionate relationship. Our love was the kind that consumed me and made me wonder, “If this is love, then what was I feeling for my ex when we were together? This one is stronger than anything I have ever felt.” See, the way this guy loved me was imprinted on every fibre of his being. To this day, that relationship remains my best one ever. During the relationship, I went back to school for my second degree. That was when Bright came back into my life. He started calling me frequently and visiting me every single day. He brought up the issue of marriage again and I told him, “I am with someone now.” He was pained, “Either I have bad timing or you are just not being fair to me. After all these years I waited for you, you are with another man now?”

I explained that it wasn’t my fault, “Don’t do that. I told you that I was ready for you but you vanished into thin air. What was I supposed to do?” He retorted, “I thought you were joking. So I also went to date someone else. It didn’t work out so I’m back. Ever since I met you, no one else does it for me. It’s only you I want.” I shrugged and thought to myself, “I suppose that’s your loss.” This time around too he didn’t give up. He kept coming around until he realized that I was very much in love with the person I was dating. So our communication died. As time went on, my relationship ended in a way that left me broken with scattered pieces. After I recovered, I decided to reach out to Bright and let him know that I would give him a chance.

When I said yes to him, he was over the moon; “After five years of proposing to you, you finally say yes! I promise you won’t regret your decision.” We started dating and he wasted no time in starting the marriage preparations. Everything went smoothly and we got married after I completed school. Now, it’s six months into the marriage and I am pregnant, yet I want a divorce. Why? Bright stopped showing me affection the very day we got married. I didn’t enjoy my wedding night and the days that came after. No hugs, no cuddles, just sex. All he does is shuperu without romance or foreplay. He would just come around when he wants to do it and just jump on me and pound away. This has made the experience so painful for me.

I talked to him about the lack of affection and he said, “I am trying to adjust to us living together, so give me some time.” Then I got pregnant a month after the wedding and things got worse. The first three months were hard and I had to stay away from work. He would always go out with friends and come back very late. Whenever I called him to get me food, he would agree but bring the food late at night. I would end up throwing up instead of eating the food. The pregnancy made me so sick and weak that I couldn’t move a foot. Instead of my husband understanding what I was going through, he got angry about my inability to do house chores. I tried to explain how I was feeling to him but it was to no avail.

So I confided in our marriage counsellor about our situation. The counsellor talked to Bright and it only aggravated his anger. He said he prefers it if we solve our own issues. Yet he never changed. I was sick, weak, and constantly hungry, so I had no option but to go and live with my parents. My mother took care of me until I gained some strength after the first trimester. Then she advised me to go back to my husband’s house and return when my due date is approaching. I came back but nothing changed, even though he promised things will be different. His workplace is closer to home and he closes earlier than I do but he is always the last to get home.

I don’t remember the last time we hugged or cuddled. Shuperu is also out of the picture now. He said it is because he is not comfortable with my baby bump. I’m here now wondering what I have done wrong to deserve this kind of treatment. When I talk to him about his behaviour he gets defensive and says, “Stop trying to restrict me. If you need a hug or a kiss, initiate it.” So I started initiating it but I realized that I was the only one doing it so I stopped. I am stuck with a husband who is emotionally absent, and it hurts so much. What haven’t I done as a wife? I support him financially and serve him as a wife should. Fortunately, I have regained my strength so my pregnancy is better. I cook, clean and do all house chores. But I feel he doesn’t see all these. He’s always out with his friends and comes back very late. Yet we have never stepped out for fun as a couple. I have tried several times to communicate but we don’t come to any positive conclusion.

READ MORE: My Husband Says He’s Able To Cheat On Me Because My Prayers Are Weak And Inefficient

He is always on his phone. Immediately he wakes up, he heads straight to the hall, puts on the television and stays on his phone. I’ve never heard “I love you” or “I miss you” from him since we got married. I look good and clean but it doesn’t appeal to him. I asked if anything bothers him in the marriage and he says no. We’re gradually growing apart now but I don’t want to work on it anymore. All I want now is a divorce. When I mentioned it, he got so angry; “Everything is fine in our marriage so why are you trying to leave me?” I took that as an opportunity to talk about all the things that were wrong with the marriage. All this man said in response was, “Why don’t you focus on the pregnancy for now? Because I feel like you are just finding faults. Ever since we got married, have I given you any trouble?”

The fact that he is dismissing my concerns troubles me more than anything. I have prayed ceaselessly but nothing is changing. I have tried to communicate with him but he might as well be a rock. I am so drained emotionally, and occasionally I feel depressed. I am always thinking and crying these days. So I have decided that I will start the divorce process right after delivery.

–Esi

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