Relationship
My Bestie’s New Man Is Trying To Tear Us Apart
We were in the same research group on my first day in school. I didn’t like her at first, because I didn’t like how she spoke during the group meeting. However, we exchanged a few ‘Hi’s and ‘Hello’s and got to know each other beyond our academic work. We became fast friends, and before long, we had become best friends on campus. I am easygoing so I made a lot of lady friends on campus. The members of my first group assignment were all in my circle of friends but everyone knew that Irene was my person. We became so close and inseparable that people thought we were dating. She stayed at Madina while I stayed at Asylum Down but we scheduled our time well to meet at the British High Commission so we could walk together to campus.
There were times I even thought she caught feelings for me. I felt she cared too much about me. There were also times we would hug and she’d say, “Give me a kiss here,” and then point to her cheek. If I refused her request, it would lead to a quarrel which sometimes lasted for days or weeks. I loved our friendship, and I became so fond of her that I missed her badly during vacations even though we spoke on the phone every minute. We ended up in different classes in our third year in school, but our friendship grew stronger each day. There were moments my other friends would call me and complain, “Junior, why do you act like Irene is your only friend? You only have eyes for her. You are making the rest of us jealous, so take it easy.”
I must confess that if there was any way I could prolong my stay in school, I would have done that because of my friendship with Irene. On the day of our last paper, she gave me a long hug and promised that we’ll still be best friends and that nothing will change. I was posted to do my national service in the Eastern region while she stayed on campus as a T.A. We made it a point to meet at least, once every month to catch up. On our graduation day, she introduced me to her family. They had already heard so much about me so they were happy to meet me.
All this while, I used to speak to Atta, her boyfriend on phone. She introduced me to Atta on phone during our school days. Atta was okay with my friendship with his girlfriend. There were times we had conference calls together. There were even times he called to complain about certain things she was doing that he didn’t like. At some point, they started having issues. I did my best, as a friend, to make sure they stayed together but my efforts proved futile so they broke up. On the weekend of my birthday in 2018, Irene asked me to go with her to a friend’s party. I was overly surprised when we got there because it was actually a surprise birthday party for me. It was the first time I had a birthday party, and it is to this day one of the most memorable days in my life. That’s the thing about Irene, she goes all out to make memories stick.
After a while, she met Gyan. I didn’t like him. I still wanted her to settle her differences with Atta. But I realized that Irene was all over Gyan so I gave her my support. Only for this new guy to start complaining about our friendship. He was controlling. He wanted to know every move his girlfriend made. He was overly jealous of my closeness with Irene. So imagine my joy when she finally broke up with him. We finished our national service and I continued to work where I served but Irene was home. This did not affect our friendship in the least bit. I enjoyed every moment we shared; the visits and outings, the late-night calls, the dreams we shared, and the prayers we said together.
Then it happened that I started developing feelings for Irene. It was something I never wanted her to know about. I was afraid it would ruin what we shared so I tried to kill it immediately. But the more I hid my feelings for her the deeper I fell for her. Unfortunately, that was the time Irene was also falling back in love with Atta. She called to tell me about it and even asked me to try and get them back together. It was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do; to woo a guy for the very lady I’m in love with. But it is Irene we’re talking about here so I shelved my feelings and did what she wanted. I called Atta and genuinely tried to talk him into getting back together with Irene but his mind was already made up so he didn’t accept my advice.
After I told Irene that Atta didn’t agree to my proposal, she asked me; “Junior, why are you hiding your feelings from me?” My heart skipped a beat. Then I said, “Ah, what are you saying?” I tried to deny it but she knew me too well so she pressured me to tell her the truth. Finally, I came clean but she didn’t express interest in having a romantic relationship with me so we continued being friends.
In July of last year, I started noticing some changes in her attitude toward me. She didn’t call like she used to. In the evenings when I call, she would stay on the phone for a while and ask that we chat on WhatsApp instead. Her behavior was unusual so one day I asked her, “Have you met someone?” There was silence on the other end of the phone. Then I realized what was going on. She met someone. When she couldn’t say anything, I hung up on her. I was really hurt that she didn’t tell me. I know you will be saying that I had no reason to get hurt, but this is someone who discusses anything and everything with me; to extent that I know when last she slept with a guy. We were that close. We had promised ourselves that nothing was going to change between us; that we will continue to share secrets, so why would Irene hide her newfound love from me? I couldn’t sleep that night, I felt heartbroken. That was the day I realized I had not gotten over Irene. And that was the beginning of our series of quarrels.
She said she wanted to talk to me about it, but she thought about how I was going to feel, and that, she was waiting for the right time to talk to me about it. I was depressed. The thought of losing two people in one person was so hurting. I tried to reach out to my other friends but none was available like Irene. It was then I realized that I had built my life around my best friend, Irene. Life was hell without her, but I wanted to stay away from her. On the other hand, Irene continued to apologize to me. She did everything a real friend would do to keep our friendship on track but it seemed no amount of talk could heal me. I was emotionally down. After a few months, Irene traveled to see me. It was an emotional moment. The first thing she did when she entered my room was to kneel and apologize for everything that has happened. We had a hearty chat and tried to settle our differences.
After about a year, Irene got a job at Nkawkaw in the Eastern Region. She didn’t want to go because of the distance involved, but I advised her to accept it. She left Accra to start her new work and only returned on some weekends. I visited her on one or two occasions. We were in a good place again and all was right with the world. Then Irene called me one evening and sounded very sad. She told me there was something she would like to talk to me about, but only when I visit her the next weekend. She sounded like it was something very important so I decided to visit her the next weekend. We went to a restaurant to eat and talk.
Our conversation began after we got something to eat. She said, “Junior, please don’t get angry at what I’m about to say. It’s because I love you and care so much about you that I’m about to tell you this. My boyfriend is jealous of our friendship. He says we are too close and he feels insecure. His previous relationship ended because of his ex’s close friendship with someone of the opposite sex. We were friends before we started dating so he knows everything about you and me, and thinks I’m too close to you”. I was quiet for some time so I could process what she said. “Okay,” I responded. “Is that all you have to say?” Irene asked. I told her I’d heard and understood everything so no problem. There and then I decided to stay away from her. She was my favorite person, yes, but I wanted to show her that I wasn’t selfish and that I prioritize her happiness. When I stood up to leave the place, I asked her to tell her guy that I’ll disappoint him by proving to him who I am. I promised her that I’ll never attend their wedding when the time comes because I wouldn’t want the guy to ever set his eyes on me. Irene cried but I didn’t mind her. I gave her a goodbye hug and left.
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When I got home I wanted to block every access to her but something told me to hold on. She called but I didn’t answer. She sent messages begging but I didn’t mind her. For me, our friendship was over. It was a time in my life that I felt so lonely. I wept at nights. They say friends are the siblings God never gave us. They are God’s way of taking care of us, so I let go of my resolve and found my way back to Irene. It wasn’t easy for me, but I couldn’t just let go of our friendship. We have a charity foundation together, of which she’s the president and I’m the vice. The foundation has been dormant for almost a year because I’ve not been emotionally stable enough to get things running. Recently, she came over for a visit when I asked her to. We had our normal hearty chats and hugs. Then the issue of her boyfriend came up. She mentioned again that the guy is still jealous of our friendship but I shouldn’t worry about it. She disclosed to me that they almost broke up because of me but everything is fine now.
I am considering pulling away from her so that her boyfriend can feel secure in their relationship. But Irene is complaining. She said she doesn’t like how I’m distancing myself from her and that she wants me back like we used to be. So I am wondering if I should ignore her complaints and distance myself so her guy would feel secure.
–Junior
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