I’m Not Able To Marry My Girlfriend Because I’m Scared I Will Lose My Job

I have always been known as one of the brightest, smartest and most energetic individuals wherever I go. I pursued a degree in engineering and while in the university, I had a dream of working for one of the multinational companies in Ghana. I was determined to make my dream a reality so I did not leave room for any distractions. I worked hard and dedicated my all attention to my books. They say hard work pays off, and it happened in my case. I graduated with honours, and my family was so proud of my achievements.

My parents, who were both teachers, made numerous sacrifices to provide me and my two sisters with the best education possible. They have never once let us lack for anything when it comes to our education. So I was very happy that I didn’t let them down. I continued to work hard during my national service to keep up the standard I had set for myself. Before I completed the national service, I applied for a job at a multinational company. I went through several rounds of interviews and was eventually offered the job.

My family and I were overjoyed at the news. We all couldn’t wait for me to start working with the company. However, just a month before I could start work, I received an email from the organization stating that the position was no longer mine. The news was devastating, but with time, I was able to heal from the disappointment. I knew where I wanted to be so I kept having faith as I applied for more positions.

A year later, I received an offer to work in an oil company.  This time around I managed my expectations. I was required to undergo a medical examination, which I was excited about since I had never had any medical issues before. During the examination, everything seemed to be going smoothly until a nurse informed me, “Sorry to bother you but the doctor requested to see you again.” I didn’t think there was anything to be concerned about until I was told that my pulse rate was high, around 100 bpm. I had never even heard of a pulse rate before that moment. The doctor asked me to go home, relax, and come back the following day, but I couldn’t relax. The experience left me feeling scared and apprehensive.

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The next day I went back to the hospital to get examined again. Before I even got to the doctor’s office I felt my heart beating erratically. I had never felt that kind of palpitation before. I tried to calm myself as I entered the doctor’s office but it only got worse. When the doctor examined me again, he said; “It seems the cause of your irregular heartbeat is anxiety. There is nothing to worry about. Just try and relax and you will be fine. I am sorry if the way I communicated it made it sound like something else was wrong with you.”

I was able to pass the medical examination and started work. Everything should have ended there but it didn’t. Despite knowing that I was physically healthy, I couldn’t shake off the experience from the hospital. This thing has now grown into a full-on anxiety disorder for me. Whenever I have to undergo a medical examination for my job, my heart rate starts to rise, and sometimes my blood pressure spikes as well. Medical doctors have assured and reassured me that there is nothing wrong with me, but I just can’t seem to shake off the fear that they will find something wrong with me and it will cost me my job.

I know what I feel is not real, but I can’t seem to prevent it from taking a toll on my mental health and happiness. I am constantly thinking, “What if I spend all my money and I lose my job too due to my anxiety disorder?” These thoughts always creep up on me and rob me of whatever little happiness I have going on. I am currently twenty-nine, working in an organization that most people are praying to work for.

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I earn good financial compensation, and my family couldn’t be any more proud of me. I can boldly say that I am currently living the life I prayed for and worked so hard for. However, my fear of losing my job has stopped me from spending money and enjoying life to the fullest. I am even hesitant to get married to my beautiful girlfriend because of the fear that I may not be able to provide for her should I lose my job. My friends and colleagues buy cars, but I am unable to do the same due to my fears. I have been silently battling this issue for almost four years now, but I am tired and want to get help. I am open to attending therapy and would appreciate any referrals you can provide.

–Kay

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