I Wouldn’t Have Married Him If It Wasn’t For My Mother

My life changed completely within three months. All it took was one decision. All I had to say was, “Yes.” That one answer I gave is the reason I am sharing my story today. I hope my experience will inspire other women who are in a dilemma to take a leap of faith and make a decision that will favour their future. Now, this is my story.

I was raised by a single mother. I saw how she struggled to take care of me and my brothers. So I was determined to find myself a good man and settle down so that I wouldn’t have to raise my children all by myself. In this quest for love and stability, I found myself in a lot of relationships that only broke my heart and left me with nothing.

My last relationship, for instance, lasted for two years. I loved that guy with my heart and soul. There was nothing I was not willing to do for him. I believed if I loved him hard enough he would choose me to be his life partner. You can’t blame a girl for dreaming, you know. I would go to his place and cook, clean, do his laundry, and give him a good knack. Then when I was leaving he would give me “chicken change.” I am talking about GHC50 or GHC100.

It’s not as if I need his money. Everything I did for him, wasn’t because of money. It was because of love. So I could easily reject the money he was giving me but I didn’t want to come across as ungrateful so I took it like that. Apart from that, our relationship was toxic. He was the type who would get angry with me and cause a scene. It didn’t matter if we were indoors or out in public. As long as he was angry with me, he would insult me and humiliate me horribly.

Later when he calms down he would apologize and tell me, “If you don’t provoke me, none of these will happen.” So I thought I was responsible for his temper. I tiptoed around his ego and walked on eggshells whenever we were together. I just didn’t want to do anything to upset my boyfriend, you know. There were times he ghosted me too. I was constantly stressed but I held on to the promise of a future and stayed.

One day we got into a fight. It was a big one. He was so upset that he broke up with me. Yet another man had left me heartbroken. I made up my mind that I would stay away from men and focus on building myself to a point where I wouldn’t want to be with a man anymore. I just didn’t want to take any more chances and get my heart broken.

One day I was home when my landlord received a visitor. I hadn’t seen the person around our house before so I didn’t pay much attention to him. The only thing that registered in my mind about him was that he was old. That’s it. Nothing else enticed me to pay any more attention to him. Unbeknownst to me, I had caught this man’s eye.

After he left, my landlord called me and said; “The man you saw me with earlier is an old friend of mine. He says he likes you. Before you say anything, think carefully. He has money so say yes to him and let us spend his money.” To be honest, that conversation upset me. I kept thinking, “What does this man take me for? He thinks I am one of those girls who are easily moved by money so he wants to use me to spend his friend’s money. It won’t work.”

Before I knew it, my landlord gave my number to his friend. The first time the man called me I saved his number. I did it so that I would recognize his number and ignore his calls. He didn’t disappoint. He called me repeatedly and each time I didn’t pick up. He doesn’t live in Ghana so I thought when he left the country he would leave me alone but that didn’t happen. Even when he left for his home overseas, he continued to call me. This continued until we moved from that house to another place.

The day after we moved, this old man sent me a voice note. This is what he said, “There is something I want to tell you but I believe you are young so you don’t want to hear me out. When you get the chance, give your phone to your mother and let me talk with her.” He sounded very serious so I couldn’t ignore the message. I went to my mother and played the audio for her.

After my mother heard the message she asked me to call him and I did. I was sitting right next to her when he proposed, “I want to marry your daughter. I will take very good care of her. But she doesn’t even want to talk to me because she feels I am too old for her. Please talk to her for me.” My mother’s response was, “She is my only daughter and I want the best for her. So give me time to talk to her.” I thought she only said that to get the man to back off but that wasn’t the case.

After that phone call, this woman started advising me. She asked me to think beyond myself. “I raised you and your brothers as a single mother. Look at how we are struggling. Don’t you want to be the reason your brothers are well-positioned in life? What about you? Are you not tired of dating these boys who don’t give you anything? This man is serious about you. Give him a chance.” At first, I didn’t want to hear any of it. But as time went on, my mother’s words sank into my head.

So despite my reservations, I called this man and said; “Yes. I will marry you.” My mother also reiterated my response. He was so happy. “You won’t regret this decision,” he assured me. There and then he asked me to send him my budget for the wedding. I didn’t know anything about weddings or marriage but I did my research.

Everything I asked him for, he sent the money. I am working and I earn my own money but I had never seen GHC10,000 before. This man sent it to me. Sometimes he would send me GHC15000. These were all for wedding preparations. I was so shocked that a man would spend this much money on me. None of the young men I dated ever spent even GHC1000 on me.

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By God’s grace, we are now married. One thing I have learned is that love grows. I was concerned I wouldn’t love him but now I do. My life has changed. I am seeing money that I didn’t used to see. My husband is over twenty years older than me but we talk about everything. He even wants me to present myself in a manner that will make people tag me as a “slay queen” but that’s not my thing so I don’t do it. He treats me like a porcelain doll. He kisses the ground on which I walk.

Because he is old, I assumed he would be boring but that’s not the case. He likes to have fun. He has taken me to places that I never would have gone to. When it comes to sex, my mother advised me; “When you are outside he is the man, let him lead. But in the bedroom, you are the woman so take charge.” I followed this advice and it has helped my marriage. I give him all the styles that blow his mind. After that, I ask him for the things I need and he does it for me. I am certain that if I ask him to build me an empire and he can afford it, he will do it.

How I Met The Woman Of My Dreams

When I sit down and think about how greatly my life has changed because of that one answer, I almost can’t believe it. A few weeks after I got married, my ex came back with a long list of apologies. I just laughed and blocked him. What good would have come out of my relationship with him anyway? I am glad he left me when he did. If not, I wouldn’t have married my husband. I wouldn’t have been living a blissful married life.

I am only sharing this story because of the lady whose father wants her to marry an older man. I want to advise her and other young women in similar situations to listen to their parents. Sometimes you think you will be happier with a young guy, but trust me, these old men take good care of their women. They don’t come with the drama and headache the young ones come with. When it comes to marriage, nobody can decide for you but our parents mostly know better. So it helps to do as they advise. Take me for instance, I am happy I listened to my mother and followed her counsel.

—Akua 

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