When I started dating her, I already knew she had been through a lot. She was open about her painful past, and I admired her honesty. She’s a good woman — the kind of woman I want to build my future with. I’ve done everything I can to show her that my love is genuine and that my intentions are pure. All I wanted in return was a little trust, but lately, things have been falling apart between us.
She doesn’t trust men easily because of what she’s been through. I remember her once saying, “Every man who ever promised to love me ended up walking away. I’m a broken woman with a mangled heart because of them.” My heart sank when she said that. I told her, “I know what it means to be hurt by someone you love. I won’t do that to you. I’ll prove to you that I’m different.”
But my assurance didn’t seem to help much. She just shook her head and said, “You don’t know half of what I’ve been through. At this point in my life, there’s nothing any man can say or do that will make me trust him again.” That conversation was long, emotional, and heavy.
She later opened up about her past. At the age of twenty-three, she got pregnant. The man responsible for the pregnancy denied it and walked away, leaving her to face everything alone. The pregnancy was rough, and when she finally gave birth, she suffered complications that resulted in the loss of her womb. She had her son — but lost her ability to have more children.
Before I met her, she’d already been through heartbreak after heartbreak. Five different men had proposed to her, and each time, she said yes. But none of them made it to the altar with her. The last one broke her completely. Their wedding was already planned; everything was ready. Then, just a week before the wedding, he vanished. When he finally resurfaced, his excuse was, “I wasn’t ready for marriage.” That experience nearly destroyed her spirit.
Knowing what she’s been through only made me want to love her more. I accepted everything about her — her past, her scars, her insecurities. I chose to love her honestly and faithfully. I pray for her often, asking God to heal her heart and make her believe in love again.
Even though we’re in a long-distance relationship, we’ve managed to stay close. We talk every day and share everything. She often tells me, “I really love you. You make me feel special, but I’m scared you’ll disappoint me too.” Whenever she says that, I try to reassure her. I tell her, “Babe, I’m not going anywhere. I won’t hurt you. I’ll stay loyal no matter the distance.” I keep saying it because I know she needs to hear it — she’s still haunted by her past.
Last month, I told her I wanted to marry her soon. She was so happy, and we started talking about engagement rings. The next day, she sent me pictures of the rings she liked. A week later, I actually bought the engagement ring. I was planning to surprise her with it on her birthday. But I got so excited that I told her I had already bought it.
Instead of being happy, she became suspicious. “If you really bought it, send me pictures,” she demanded. I didn’t want to ruin the surprise, so I told her she would see it in person on her birthday. But she got angry. “I thought you were different,” she said, “but you’re just like every other man who lied to me.”
No matter how much I apologized, she stopped talking to me.
We live about 2,000 kilometers apart because of work, so I sent a respected lady from my church back home to visit her and apologize on my behalf. She went, but it didn’t help. That was last week. This week, I asked my mentor to reach out to her again, but still — nothing changed.
I just don’t understand how something so small could turn into such a big problem. What happened to forgiveness? Why is she holding on to this so tightly?
I know she’s been hurt before, and I’m trying to be patient. But it’s painful to keep proving my love over and over again. I’ve shown her commitment, honesty, and faithfulness. I’ve prayed for her healing and done everything I can to earn her trust.
I love her deeply, and the thought of losing her breaks me. I’m willing to be corrected if I’ve done wrong. I just wish she’d let her walls down and give us a chance to grow.
If you were in my position, what would you do to prove that your love is real — and that you’re not like the ones who hurt her before?
