How My Husband And His Mother Have Joined Forces To Push Me To Resign From Work- Woman Narrates

If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

I gave birth in August. The baby came one week earlier. I had returned from work one evening when I started having the same feeling I had when I was about to give birth to my first child. I told my husband, “It looks like it’s coming.” We went to the hospital that evening and got admitted. At dawn, when everyone was asleep and probably dreaming, I gave birth to a bouncing baby girl. My husband came to the hospital early the next morning to see me with a baby.

We were in a car going back home when he asked me, “How about what we discussed? Did you do anything about it?” I knew what he was talking about but I played dumb. I asked, “What did we talk about?” He answered, “I’m talking about your resignation. Did you do anything about it?” I said, “I just gave birth. Is that the most important thing to discuss when your wife just had a baby? Don’t you think I deserve some breathing space?” He retorted, “This is not about any breathing space. It’s something we’ve talked about long ago. It’s not new so why breathing space? What were you doing when you haven’t given birth?” I feigned anger to avoid further discussion.

For so long I didn’t give his suggestion a thought. When I shared my story, many people advised me not to resign. Honestly, that was my position even before I shared my story. I was only looking for confirmation. Also, If someone agreed with my husband, I wanted to hear their point in support of my resignation. Even those who supported my resignation did that with caution in their comment. They were not absolutely in support of what my husband was saying. They were rather asking me to look out for options. To me, those options were not on the table so I concluded that I wasn’t going to resign.

One evening, he came back home and was silent throughout the evening. Usually, when he becomes silent like that, he wants you to ask him what the issue was so he would rant. I saw it but didn’t ask him any questions. When he had to play with our son, he did it gleefully so I concluded that he was fine. We went to bed and he sat at the edge of the bed and said, “You’ve spent two months of your maternity leave already. Very soon, maternity will be over. Have you resigned? If you haven’t, when are you going to do it?”

I’d always shied away from that conversation but his posture that night was that of seriousness. I prepped my mind up to ask all the necessary questions and also say what there is to say and put the issue to bed. I answered, “No I haven’t resigned. After my maternity, I will go back to work. We will find a way to make it work just like we made the first one work.” He lost his cool. “Why don’t you want to listen to me? What is my use as the head of the family if you won’t listen to what I say? We have kids. They need parental guidance and care. One of us has to sacrifice. I’m earning more than you do. What I earn can cater for us so why don’t you listen and do what I say?”

Then it occurred to me that I didn’t even know how much he was earning. I asked him calmly, “How much are you earning? You’ve never told me. I want to know.” He started fumbling. He said it wasn’t necessary at that point of the discussion. I only have to believe him and do what he asks me to do. I wasn’t taking that so I continued probing for him to give me the details of his earnings; “You know mine that’s how come you are able to know that you earn more than I do. I don’t know yours. You said you’re going to pay me to stay home right? Prove that you’re capable of doing that and I will listen to you.” We went back and forth with it without any solution. The following day, while he was at work, I started digging.

I went through his bags and any other document I found just to see if I can get any material about his earnings. I found a two-year-old payslip. I looked at his net salary and even increased it by 20% since it had been two years. The total amount was only 30% more than I was earning. If I had to accept payment from him and stay in the house, it means after paying me, what would be left to keep the house running was only 30% of his salary. I shook my head and said, “This won’t work. I will tell him to forget about it.”

When he came home I told him everything and showed him the maths. I said, “Darling, this can’t work. Yes, you’re the leader. When this ship begins to sink, you won’t suffer alone. I will be by your side struggling to patch up the leakage. Our kids would be struggling to float on the surface of the water. They might not drown but they might drink a lot of salty water. I already see the images in my mind’s eye and I’m scared. Just don’t push it. It won’t serve us.” He didn’t say a word while I was telling him what I think but when we went to bed he said, “If you had any motherly instincts left in your heart, you won’t think twice about doing this for the sake of your own kids.”

I had run away but I knew I live to fight another day. My husband has a way of getting what he wants. If he tells you and you don’t listen, he will do everything to make you feel uncomfortable until you cave in. He did it when my mother was around. He wanted her gone so he made it obvious. He pushed for it with his actions and words. He never stopped. He started doing that to me. He stopped having normal conversations with me. When his mother came around to help with the kids, it gave him added advantage to ignore me. His mother was a stay home mom for a large part of her life. Maybe, she’s the influence. I don’t know.

He has someone to talk to and have someone he could complain to. His mother started making subtle jabs about the lack of parental skills on my side. When the baby cried, they blamed me. When the first one plays and falls down, I’m the reason the kid fell. The worse thing happens when I close from work and come home late; “What sort of a mother will leave her kids early in the morning and come back home late at night? Is work more important than human beings?” His mother will say. My husband will add, “Maybe when she dies, they will put the company in her casket.”

The two of them own the house while I live my life like a stranger perching on a branch of their tree. I wanted her mother gone but I could only succeed when I resign. Out of frustration, I wrote my resignation letter One afternoon at work, enveloped it, and sent it to the HR’s office. I left it there because she was busy having a zoom meeting. Later in the day, she called me in; “Pat, I’m shocked. Why are you resigning? You’ve had a better offer somewhere? Just open up. If there’s something I can do to help, I will do it to keep you here. You’re not worth losing.” I don’t know where the tears came from. All of a sudden I started leaking from both eyes. She got up and shut her door. I told her everything. She said, “I wish you were resigning because you want to. Have you talked about it with anyone? Your parents or siblings or even a friend?” I shook my head.

She said, “You’re making a mistake. You have only two kids. I have five but I’m still here climbing the ladder. I don’t know your husband’s reasons but kids shouldn’t be the reason why your husband will strip you of economic power. If you listen to him, you’ll end up depending on him for the rest of your life. You can’t have what he doesn’t want you to have. You can’t go where he doesn’t want you to go. You’ll end up trapped in your marriage for life. Look at it this way. His parents invested in him to be independent and so far it’s working. Your parents invested in you to also be independent. If you listen to him, you’ve wasted your parents’ investment in you and when they need you the most, you can’t go to their aid because you threw everything away. This is not professional advice. I’m talking to you woman to woman. Take this not from an HR but from a friend.”

I cried until the chest of my dress got wet. When I was leaving she said, “I will keep your letter for one week. Think about it. Talk to someone before you make this decision. I will be here.”

I went to see my parents the following weekend, I was going to talk to my mom about it. I spent all weekend with them and couldn’t say a word about it. Everything around them was screaming no to me. I concluded, “These guys deserve better. No way.” I went home and put my soldier booth on. I went to the office and recalled my resignation. “I will rather soldier through than resign,” I told myself.

His mother still lives with us. They still make unwholesome remarks about me but I don’t care. The last time I told him to let his mother go so we can hire someone to help us. His question was, ”Who is going to pay for that?” I answered, “I will.” He said, “You think an outsider will be better than my mother who has raised four kids?” I asked, “Is your mother the permanent solution you talked about when my own mother was here? I think it’s time for her to go. We can manage the rest if we put our heads together.” He said, “She’s not going anywhere until you do the right thing.”

I don’t even care again. My mind is already made up. I’m not resigning. His mother can’t live with us forever. She’ll definitely leave at some point and we’ll steer the wheel of our marriage back to the normal seas. And you know one surprising that came out of all these back and forth? I got promoted at work. Not too long ago. I couldn’t share the news with him because you know why. I’m climbing the ladder too. In the end, all will play out in my favor, I believe.