Her Love For Me Is Making Me Afraid

Ama had a child when I met her, but it didn’t bother me. “Just because she is a single mother doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve love,” I told myself. I went ahead and expressed interest in her. I let her know I didn’t have money so she wouldn’t have any expectations. She accepted my situation as it was and we started dating. We would have been perfectly happy together had it not been for my financial struggles.

I didn’t have much but I shared my little with her. I even introduced her to an online sales business so she would earn some money for herself and take care of the things I could not afford to provide for her. I expected her to be supportive and stay by my side while I worked on bettering my life. However, she was unappreciative of all my efforts.

Sometimes when she asked me for money and I didn’t have it she would get angry. “Your fellow men give their women GHC300 every day for pocket money. You don’t even do half of that for me yet you say you love me?” Every time she said this I told her, “Babe, all fingers are not equal. It doesn’t do any good when you compare me to other people.” We never agreed on this issue until we broke up two years into the relationship. This was in May 2023.

After the breakup, I never bothered to meet new people. I knew I didn’t have money so any woman who would come my way wouldn’t be happy being with me because of that. For this reason, I chose to focus on my grind. A female friend of mine who didn’t support my decision to be single gave me the number of one of her friends. “She is a nice girl, give her a call. Maybe she is the love of your life,” she said.

I remember thinking, “Whoever this nice girl is, she will lose interest in me the moment she finds out I don’t have money.” What made me more grounded in this thought was the part where my friend told me the lady was a nursing student. I had heard so many stories about nursing students and the way they play with men’s emotions. This is why I had so many doubts that anything good could come out of that match.

In spite of my reservations, I texted the number; “hy dear.” She responded immediately. I followed up with, “hw are u” but I didn’t get a response. I thought she had ignored me so I also forgot about her.

On Saturday 23rd September 2023 around 9 pm, I was going through my SMS outbox  when I found out that I didn’t get a response from Cara because she didn’t receive my last text. I resent the message, unsure of the outcome I would get. Surprisingly, she called me immediately the text went through.

I was confused when I saw that call. What would I say to introduce myself? It sounded like too much work, especially if I had to explain to her where I got her number. I watched the phone ring until it stopped. A few minutes later she called again. This time around too I didn’t pick up. I didn’t know what to say. I took a few moments to gather myself and then called her back.

What I expected to be an awkward conversation turned into one with comfort and laughter. I liked her vibes. We became good friends although we had not seen each other.

We were so comfortable with each other that we shared embarrassing and shameful stories of things we had done in the past. We talked about who cheated on a past partner, our body counts, times we spent clubbing, and other vices. We were both single and recovering from heartbreak.

I liked her but I was scared, especially after she talked about the rich men she dated. “Some of these men were married,” she confessed. My only reaction was, “Eii Cara, you’ve done things in life.” She felt comfortable telling me all this because she said she had changed. She also knew that I wouldn’t judge her based on her past.

As time passed, I proposed love to her and she accepted it but deep down in my heart, I was sure our relationship wouldn’t last. This is someone who has dated rich men. What can a broke guy like me ever do to measure up to that standard? One of the things I told her when we started dating was, “I don’t have much but if you stay by my side, I will crown you with glory when things turn out well for me.” She agreed to be with me regardless.

One afternoon she sent me a simple text, “Please can you send me GHC150 urgently to fix my phone?” Between God and man, the only money I had on me was GHC150. I couldn’t stand to let her down so I sent it all to her. She was so thankful.

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She promised to visit me when school went on Christmas break. Although I agreed to her visit, I was also not confident about it. I live in a single room. All I have is a flat mattress that I put on the floor. What I use as a TV was originally a computer monitor. The only chair I have is broken. My ex, Ama, once told me my room was not nice. So imagine the mental turmoil I experienced when Cara wanted to visit. Still, I couldn’t tell her not to come.

She was supposed to show up on 22nd December but she called to cancel. Later that evening she called to tell me, “I didn’t show up today because I got my period. If it won’t bother you, I can come over tomorrow.” I told her she could come and she was glad about it. So the next day, I met up with her and took her home.

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When we got to my place, I felt so uncomfortable because of the nature of my room. She, on the other hand, was so happy to see me for the first time. She even prepared plantain and stew. We ate together and went for a walk that night. We bought kelewele and khebab and she paid for it with her money. During her stay with me, most of the things we ate were paid for by her. She didn’t want me to spend my money. She even paid my light bill before leaving for her house the next day.

Now my problem is, that Cara has completely changed toward me. Now, she calls me more regularly than before. She talks about her desire to visit me again. I am in love with her but after everything Ama put me through, I am afraid to date a lady of her worth. What if the reality of my financial situation dawns on her and she leaves me? Could it be possible that she truly loves me? I am afraid of disappointing her.

—Mensah

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