I Wasn’t Ready To Do It So She Got Angry And Stopped Talking To Me

We did our national service at the same hospital. I saw her around the facility quite often but we were not on the same schedule so we were not friends. She was just someone I occasionally said hello to. After we finished our national service I didn’t even think much about her, until she was posted to work as a midwife at a clinic I was working at.

I had been there for a few months before she came. Because I knew her already, it was easier to be her friend this time around. I helped her settle into the work environment. If she needed something, I pointed her in the right direction. I showed her where to buy the best food. Basically, I was her go-to person for everything at the clinic. That’s how we got very close.

I was in a different department but we found a way to make our friendship. One day she called me and said, “I want our friendship to be a serious one.” I said okay and she added, “We should pray about what we have to see what the future holds for us both.” Again, I agreed to do it.

We talked often on the phone. Every morning we would text each other. At night too, we would have long talks before we went to sleep. Whenever we met at work, the vibe continued. Every time we met we would hug and kiss each other on the cheeks. We hadn’t defined the relationship but it felt as though we were new lovers.

Things progressed beautifully until one night. I was not on duty but she was. So I called her to keep her company. When we were talking she told me, “I know you are not working tonight but can you come over and spend time with me?” My house is quite close to the clinic, so I went there. It’s just a walking distance so it was no bother at all.

We had a good time according to my standards. As for her, she didn’t see it like that. We hugged several times and almost shared a deep kiss. That was how far I allowed things to go. She wanted us to go all the way. She was in the mood to have Shuperu, that much was obvious. But I didn’t think the environment was conducive for such intimacy.

When I told her I wasn’t ready to go all the way she said, “I am not going to have a committed relationship with you unless we have intimacy.” I understood what she meant but I didn’t think we should have to do it at that place and time, especially for our first time. Anybody could walk in on us. And it would degrade the pure intentions we had before starting. So I said no.

Before all this happened, I told her I wanted her to be my girlfriend. I was serious about her so I felt we shouldn’t start the relationship by having shuperu. It was just too early for me. We should at least build the relationship to a point where we know we are heading toward marriage before we start seeing each other’s nakedness. That’s what I believe.

Can you believe that after that night Esme withdrew from me? Every conversation she had with me was work-related. All my attempts to bring up our personal relationship proved futile. She either shut the conversation down when it was via phone call or ignored me if it was via text. When we met in person, she said what she wanted to say to me and then ran off.

We did this dance for over a year. Once, she told me, “Don’t think I will let go of what you did to me. I will make sure you regret your actions, wait and see.” Right now, I believe she is making life difficult for me.

After I turned her down that night, she went in for another guy. She said he was a man of God. Seeing as she wasn’t talking to me, I stayed in my corner and minded my business. A year has passed and she is now back and trying to get close to me again. She told me the guy slept with her three times and forced himself on her once. The thought that a supposed man of God violated her drives me crazy.

Despite all the drama she put me through a year ago, I still want to be with her. So I asked, “Is there hope that we will get back together?” She admitted that she tried to love me back but it didn’t work. She said we should forget about relationship and be friends. “Just don’t treat me badly,” she added.

The fact that she doesn’t want me doesn’t change my feelings for her. Now, her mere presence makes me go crazy. I feel like quitting the work so I could get some distance to get over her.

She used to say she wanted me so what changed? Is it because I didn’t have Shuperu with her at the workplace? Is this how vindictive women can be? I wasn’t even rejecting her. I just wanted us to take our time and do things right. So if I had done it, she would have stayed with me?

I am the first person she asks of when she gets to work yet she makes it difficult for me to focus on work. I don’t even know how to handle the situation. Should I patiently wait for her to come back to me? Or maybe, I should cut her off the way she cut me off so I can heal.