He Wants Me To Keep It But I Doubt My Child Would Want A Father Like Him

I met Eric through a friend after I had just completed SHS. I had moved from my hometown to live in Tema while he lived in Koforidua. At that time, all I wanted to do was to get a job so I could save money for school. However, I couldn’t get a job that paid me well enough to survive in Tema, let alone save money for higher education. What made things worse was when my results were released and I failed some of my papers. Now, I needed more than anything to earn money to rewrite my exams.

My relationship with Eric was fairly new at that point but he suggested that I move in with him. “You will get a good job here in Koforidua. And the cost of living here is low so you will be able to save. Besides, living with me means you won’t spend money on rent and utility bills. I will take care of you,” he promised. It sounded like a good offer so I agreed to it.

I moved my life from Tema and went to live in Koforidua with my boyfriend. The first few days of my stay there were blissful. You would think we were on a honeymoon. Everything was sweetness and smiles. Eric was so gentle and kind that I couldn’t picture him even getting angry. But I learned the hard way that people who stammer are quick-tempered.

Eric stammers so he easily gets angry. And his anger gets so bad that we would argue and be at loggerheads for weeks. He is usually the one who holds grudges for a long time and refuses to talk to me. In the beginning, I thought when we get used to each other he would change. But after three months of petty fighting, I realized that that’s just who he is. He wouldn’t change unless he makes a conscious effort to do that. I couldn’t have thrived in such an environment so I rented a place for myself and moved out.

Shortly after I moved out I got a job at a printing press. The money was better than what I earned in Tema. However, I couldn’t save still. I had to support my mum to take care of my younger siblings back home. This put a lot of pressure on me to do better financially.

While I was hustling to make my life easier, Eric continued to pick up petty fights with me and go for days without talking to me. One time he didn’t talk to me for more than two weeks. So I took it as our relationship was over. Just then, a friend of mine introduced me to a man. The man showed interest in me and I agreed to be with him. He has money so I asked him to help me set up a boutique. He didn’t argue or give me excuses. He gave me the money to build the container I would need for the shop.

After I built the container, my friend went to badmouth me to the man. She told him that I have a serious boyfriend so I was just stringing him along. By then I hadn’t heard from Eric in five months. I was done with him. This man truly, was all I had but he didn’t believe it. He chose to listen to whatever my friend said and dumped me. All I got was an empty container store with no money to buy the clothes I planned to sell.

I spoke to a male friend and asked him for a loan. When he learned that I was going to use the money for my business, he offered to give it to me as a gift. I took it and bought everything I needed to start my boutique. After I started selling, Eric came back bearing apologies and remorse for ghosting me for so many months. Truth be told, I didn’t want him back. But I hadn’t met anyone who had expressed interest in me. So I decided I would take him back and date him till I meet someone I genuinely want to be with. He knew about this yet he agreed to be with me, regardless.

Along the line I got pregnant. When I told Eric about it he ghosted me. I was alone. I couldn’t deal with the stress of running a boutique by myself while carrying a pregnancy. Besides, I didn’t have the finances to take care of the child by myself. So I turned to plan B. I got rid of the pregnancy. When Eric found out he got upset and apologized for abandoning me.

I still hadn’t met anyone willing to be with me so I took Eric back like that. I am still running the boutique. I have been able to save enough to go back to high school so I could join the final-year students and rewrite my WASSCE. I have made acquaintances with certain people who live abroad. They have said they would support me to further my education when I get good results. I still support my mother to pay my siblings’ school fees, so my finances are not strong.

As I write this, I am pregnant again with Eric’s child. When I told him about it he said, “Please don’t get rid of this one too. You are twenty-eight. You are old enough to have a baby. I promise not to abandon you this time around. Whatever you need, I am here for you.” I found out about the pregnancy a week ago. And he has been on his best behaviour with me this time around. However, he is not talking to my mother. They had a little misunderstanding and he got so angry that he is giving her the same silent treatment that he gives me.

I met Eric through a friend after I had just completed SHS. I had moved from my hometown to live in Tema while he lived in Koforidua. At that time, all I wanted to do was to get a job so I could save money for school. However, I couldn’t get a job that paid me well enough to survive in Tema, let alone save money for higher education. What made things worse was when my results were released and I failed some of my papers. Now, I needed more than anything to earn money to rewrite my exams.

My relationship with Eric was fairly new at that point but he suggested that I move in with him. “You will get a good job here in Koforidua. And the cost of living here is low so you will be able to save. Besides, living with me means you won’t spend money on rent and utility bills. I will take care of you,” he promised. It sounded like a good offer so I agreed to it.

I moved my life from Tema and went to live in Koforidua with my boyfriend. The first few days of my stay there were blissful. You would think we were on a honeymoon. Everything was sweetness and smiles. Eric was so gentle and kind that I couldn’t picture him even getting angry. But I learned the hard way that people who stammer are quick-tempered.

Eric stammers so he easily gets angry. And his anger gets so bad that we would argue and be at loggerheads for weeks. He is usually the one who holds grudges for a long time and refuses to talk to me. In the beginning, I thought when we get used to each other he would change. But after three months of petty fighting, I realized that that’s just who he is. He wouldn’t change unless he makes a conscious effort to do that. I couldn’t have thrived in such an environment so I rented a place for myself and moved out.

Shortly after I moved out I got a job at a printing press. The money was better than what I earned in Tema. However, I couldn’t save still. I had to support my mum to take care of my younger siblings back home. This put a lot of pressure on me to do better financially.

While I was hustling to make my life easier, Eric continued to pick up petty fights with me and go for days without talking to me. One time he didn’t talk to me for more than two weeks. So I took it as our relationship was over. Just then, a friend of mine introduced me to a man. The man showed interest in me and I agreed to be with him. He has money so I asked him to help me set up a boutique. He didn’t argue or give me excuses. He gave me the money to build the container I would need for the shop.

After I built the container, my friend went to badmouth me to the man. She told him that I have a serious boyfriend so I was just stringing him along. By then I hadn’t heard from Eric in five months. I was done with him. This man truly, was all I had but he didn’t believe it. He chose to listen to whatever my friend said and dumped me. All I got was an empty container store with no money to buy the clothes I planned to sell.

I spoke to a male friend and asked him for a loan. When he learned that I was going to use the money for my business, he offered to give it to me as a gift. I took it and bought everything I needed to start my boutique. After I started selling, Eric came back bearing apologies and remorse for ghosting me for so many months. Truth be told, I didn’t want him back. But I hadn’t met anyone who had expressed interest in me. So I decided I would take him back and date him till I meet someone I genuinely want to be with. He knew about this yet he agreed to be with me, regardless.

Along the line I got pregnant. When I told Eric about it he ghosted me. I was alone. I couldn’t deal with the stress of running a boutique by myself while carrying a pregnancy. Besides, I didn’t have the finances to take care of the child by myself. So I turned to plan B. I got rid of the pregnancy. When Eric found out he got upset and apologized for abandoning me.

I still hadn’t met anyone willing to be with me so I took Eric back like that. I am still running the boutique. I have been able to save enough to go back to high school so I could join the final-year students and rewrite my WASSCE. I have made acquaintances with certain people who live abroad. They have said they would support me to further my education when I get good results. I still support my mother to pay my siblings’ school fees, so my finances are not strong.

As I write this, I am pregnant again with Eric’s child. When I told him about it he said, “Please don’t get rid of this one too. You are twenty-eight. You are old enough to have a baby. I promise not to abandon you this time around. Whatever you need, I am here for you.” I found out about the pregnancy a week ago. And he has been on his best behaviour with me this time around. However, he is not talking to my mother. They had a little misunderstanding and he got so angry that he is giving her the same silent treatment that he gives me.

How can I have a baby with a man who is not talking to my mother? Besides, what if he is only sticking around to make sure I keep the pregnancy, only for him to abandon me later? I don’t have the finances to raise a child as a single mother. There’s also my education to consider. If I go through with this pregnancy, I will lose the opportunity to get the help I need to further my education. It seems the best course of action in this situation is to get rid of the baby. But Eric is begging me not to do it.

As tempting as it is to take his word for it, nothing he says holds water in my eyes anymore. He has ghosted me so many times that I get anxious when he doesn’t do that. I find myself between a rock and a hard place. Which do I choose? Should I go on and have the baby despite all the red flags in my relationship with Eric? Or should I terminate it and save my future? Please help me out. I don’t have anyone to confide in.