I’m In Love With A Married Man Because Of How He Treats His Wife

He’s my boss but the relationship between the two of us isn’t the boss-subordinate kind of relationship. It used to be that way until he decided to change the chemistry between us. When I called him boss, he told me, “Boss is not a name. I’m Agyeman. That’s my name.” I stopped calling him boss and started calling him Mr Agyeman. He told me, “I’m Agyeman. Just that. No Mr, no sir. Nothing. Just call me Agyeman.” It was hard for me at first but as time went on I got used to calling him Agyeman and that introduced us to a new dimension at work. He didn’t allow me to use ‘please’ when talking to him. Anything that differentiated from each other was removed. 

I had his number on the office phone. That phone was meant to make and receive calls only so it wasn’t a smartphone. Whenever I needed to talk to him, I called on that phone. It was always work-related, or else I wouldn’t have a reason to call him. One weekend a call came through my phone. I responded and it was him. He needed information urgently and couldn’t reach me on the office line so he called my personal line. I didn’t save his number. A few days later, he called again on my personal line and I asked “Who am I talking to?” He mentioned his name and said, “You mean you don’t have my number?” I got a little embarrassed so I apologized. 

From that day, he called often on my personal line. The conversation wasn’t usually about work. Normal stuff about our lives and what is it that I was doing over the weekend. He asked me out on a dare one day and my heart skipped a beat. “Why will my boss take me on a date? For what? What kind of temptation is that?” 

Even if he wasn’t a married man, I still would have found it difficult to go out with him because of the boss-subordinate relationship. I went on the ate with him and the whole conversation was about his wife and his family. He told me his wife had travelled with the kids so he was bored in the house. He showed me the pictures of his family on his phone and spoke so well about his wife. It put me at ease knowing that a man like him, who loves his family dearly won’t propose to a girl like me. He didn’t. We just had a conversation over food and we departed. Our second date happened not too long afterwards and it was also about his wife and family. I figured he had no friends to talk about his wonderful marriage to so he chose me to dump all that stories on me. I listened to him talk about how they met and how it was difficult having their first child and he believes his wife’s mother doesn’t like him. 

On our third date, he caught me by surprise. He caught me by surprise because I didn’t see it coming. Out of the blue, he said, “You look and behave just like my wife. It’s the reason I like you so much. I think I’ve developed special feelings for you and I believe you should know about it. I want you to be my girlfriend.” 

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My heart started racing. “I mean how? How did we move from “I love my wife and family” to “I want you to be my girlfriend? How does that even work?” I answered politely, “Agyeman, no we can’t do this. You have a beautiful wife and a family. You don’t need me for anything. I like how we relate to each other and this will destroy everything. So let’s not talk about it again.” The night was destroyed. Both of us sat there looking at each other without words to say. When it was getting late, I told him we should leave and we did. In his car, he tried to kiss me and I pulled away. He begged for a hug and I gave it to him. I got home and couldn’t sleep. I was thinking of how the relationship was going to be at work. I put the night in perspective and blamed myself for what happened. 

Surprisingly our relationship at work didn’t change that much. He was the same Agyeman so I learned to act along. Once in a while, he brought back the proposal and I said no. I developed a strategy. He posted about his family a lot on his status and on his Facebook. So anytime he posted them, I went and commented, “What a beautiful family. You make marriage look so cool.” Sometimes I would just say, “Your wife is very beautiful. Can I get her number so I ask her what makes her this beautiful?”

I was doing all that just to create this psychological space between us but guess what, the more I saw the way he treated his wife, and how he showed her off, the more I developed feelings for him. I don’t know how it sounds but the way he loves his wife made me fall in love with him totally. He’ll make a post about his wife and speak glowing about her. They’ll take a photo and you see how he’s holding his wife, you’ll know his wife is in safe hands. He’ll take her on a trip, to a fancy hotel, to a beautiful location and make a post about it. The comments he receives on these posts even make me jealous and want to be with him. 

One day he tried to kiss me in his office and I didn’t fight back. We kissed. It felt alright, normal actually. I pulled away, he leaned in for a kiss again and this time I have it to him. He was happy. He asked me, “Does that mean we are together?” I told him, “You have your wife. Continue making her happy. Some of us didn’t get a man like you to treat us the way you treat her. No one shows us off that’s why I’m happy that you do those things for your wife. We can’t be together. This is just a kiss. It means nothing.”

I was lying. It meant everything to me. I even wanted more. I thought I should run away but that meant leaving the office. I couldn’t sacrifice my work so I kept seeing him until one day we went out and the worse happened. It happened in his car. I thought I will feel guilty but guilt had no place that late at night. In the middle of the action, his wife called. He has saved her number “L’amour” with a beautiful photo of her. We were in the middle of something passionate but he stopped and picked up the call. I wasn’t even angry. I was impressed actually. It made me feel like he was going to treat me special too and boy he hasn’t disappointed me yet. 

30 People Advice Their Ex and Talk About Why It Didn’t Work–Beads Media

We’ve been going at it for the past three months. He gives me what I need. He Treats me with respect. At work, we act professionally and behave as if nothing is going on between us. No one knows but when we are alone, fireworks. It’s the best relationship I’ve ever had but I think something is wrong with me. How I love him is not right. The way I interpret our relationship isn’t normal. It’s shrouded in irony I myself can’t understand. How can I fall for a married man just because he treats his wife right? 

That’s the question I want to ask. Is it normal to fall for a married man because of how he treats his wife? I don’t intend to keep this relationship going. I’ve stopped watching his status and have restricted him on Facebook so I don’t get to see what he posts. I know my problem and I’m dealing with it gradually but I want to understand the root cause of my feelings. Why should something that is supposed to make me run away is rather making me love him more?

–Asabea

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