He Left Me Because I Was Trying To Protect Myself

We met on Facebook. It was the idea of love that brought us together but we gave ourselves some time to know each other. We met in town often and went on dates often. One day I went to his house to visit and he proposed to me. Immediately I said yes, he started being touchy.

I wasn’t comfortable. I wasn’t prepared to go on that stretch. I begged him to stop. When he wasn’t listening to me, I lied.  “Let’s do it another day. I’m seeing red.”

He stopped immediately.

The next time I was going to see him, I knew things would get there again so I went prepared. When he started making moves towards me, I asked, “Do you have CDs?” He shook his head and kept going as if it was right to start without protection. I told him, “You should have it knowing very well you’ll do this.”

He wasn’t listening. I dipped into my bag, picked one and handed it over to him. He took it and quickly pulled it up. We had a good time and later had a very long conversation.

He called in the evening. He asked why I had CDs in my bag and I told him, “Just to be safe. Also, I didn’t want to disappoint you the second time.” He asked, “Are you sure? Does that mean you go around carrying it in your bag just in case?” I felt insulted but I kept it cool.

I thought he had bought into my explanation. Not knowing he had decided it was the end of us because I carried CDs.

He stopped picking up my calls. He didn’t text back when I did. With time, I stopped texting and calling, hoping he would come back to his senses and contact me. He didn’t until he started shading me on his Facebook wall; “When she comes to your place with CDs in her bag, it’s a huge red flag!”

“Ah! What is wrong with this guy?”

I called his phone and I’d been blocked. I tried sending him a message on Facebook days later when I realized he had blocked me on Facebook too. I want to know what I did wrong.

I needed to protect myself so I went prepared. Is that wrong? Sex happens. Some would say it’s wrong to give yourself to a man before marriage. Intimacy is important to me but safety is paramount that’s why I did what I did. You guys don’t like a woman who tries to protect herself?   

—Janice

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