He Believes He Is The Only One Allowed To Cheat In This Relationship

When I was looking for an apartment to rent, it was Max who helped me. He paid my rent for me. Then he put me on a monthly allowance. That’s the kind of boyfriend he is. He takes good care of me financially. We don’t live in the same region because of his work. However, this didn’t affect us when we first started dating.

We made arrangements that helped us spend time together. I visited him at the beginning of every month and spent the weekends with him. He also visited me in the middle of the month. Which means we saw each other bi-monthly. It was a good system that worked.

The only thing I had a problem with was his jealousy. He made rules for me to abide by. Rules that only applied to me and not him. He didn’t want me talking to other men. Not even friendships. Once, a guy told me, “I love your shoes.” My boyfriend asked me to cut him off. When I visit him and his friends come around, I am not allowed to talk to them. That one didn’t bother me because they are his friends.

I say the same rule doesn’t apply to him because he went about flirting with every girl he came into contact with. You would think that a man like him would ease up on me but know. There were times he went through my phone and took the numbers of my male friends and warned them to stay away from me. If he was granted the opportunity to have access to every woman in the world he would take it. Yet he wants to be the only human being I interact with in this world.

I complained about his attitude but he didn’t change. He rather got worse with time. He moved from flirting with women to cheating on me. When he started cheating our communication suffered. I remember how we used to merge calls. What I mean is, that whenever I was on a call with him and someone called me, I would pick up and merge the calls so he would listen to my conversation with the person. He also did the same when he was on our call with someone. It was our way of ensuring transparency in the relationship.

However, the moment he started cheating he changed. He stopped merging his calls for me to listen to his conversations. So I also stopped doing it. This upset him but I didn’t change. I went a step further and started talking to other guys who expressed interest in me.

When he found out about my behaviour he complained, “I am only cheating on you because you keep giving your number to other men. It gives the feedback that you will leave me.” So I promised to stop if he also stops sleeping around. He agreed to my terms and we carried in with the relationship.

The next time I was going to his place I left my phone at home. I told him it was missing. So he bought me a new phone. I took it and registered a new SIM card in someone’s name. That was the number I started giving out to men who were interested in getting to know me. I did this because I knew he was still flirting and cheating with other women. So there was no way I would be loyal to a cheat.

His behaviour made it so that whenever he talked about marriage, I ignored him. By and by, our communication grew worse. We would go for two weeks without talking to each other. He would only text me once a week to check up on me. That became our new normal. I’m currently living like a single lady but he goes about warning other men to stay away from me. When he is talking about me to our friends he refers to me as his woman. How am I his woman when we barely talk?

Despite the shift in our relationship, we still have shuperu when he visits me. He thinks he is the only man I have been with in the past two years we’ve been dating but that’s not true. Ever since he started cheating I also started doing my things on the side. I have slept with two men at my place but I paint myself as a saint before him.

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We recently had a heated argument on the phone and he ended up telling me that he doesn’t want me anymore. I just saw okay. Since then I haven’t called or texted him. He is the one who keeps calling to check up on me. He even calls me by the pet name he used to call me by when our relationship was as sweet as honey and as smooth as butter.

I don’t feel about what I did with those two guys because it happened after our argument. Is it considered cheating after Max explicitly told me he doesn’t want me anymore? Currently, I’m talking to another set of two guys who live in different regions. I want to give myself a chance to love one of these guys but Maxwell is deeply rooted in my heart. It makes it difficult for me to open up myself emotionally to other men.

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Right now my problem is, he told me he doesn’t want me anymore but he hasn’t stopped warning other men to stay away from me. Just three days ago, he told me to block and delete one guy’s number if I want us to be happy. I know Maxwell is not Bill Gates or Prince Charming but I am always happy when I am with him. My only fear is that he will leave me someday. What do I do? Should I treat him like an ex or do I change and concentrate on him and put in efforts to make things work?

I know he loves me a lot and I also love him but his cheating lifestyle really irritates me. Anytime I go to his place, there’s someone new he’s flirting on his phone with. He keeps telling me that he is not serious about them so I shouldn’t worry. He says he doesn’t sleep with them. He only entertains them out of boredom. Is he telling the truth? What do you think about our relationship? Is it something worth holding on to?

—Jiji

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