There’s always that one guy you meet after you’ve just got out of a bad relationship. He was probably there during the relationship and now that you’re out of it, he feels it is his role to comfort you and re-affirm you. He goes out of his way to make sure your transition post-breakup is as smooth as it could be and he promises to always be the shoulder you can lean on.
It’s all smooth sailing until a few months after he feels you have healed enough, he believes it’s time to shoot his shot. Thus begins my current predicament.
I was in a relationship, for about two years but it got toxic and when I finally had the courage to walk out, I needed all the support I could get. Tony had been my friend for about a year and after my break up he was always there for me.
I was distressed a lot and I often contemplated about going back to my ex but he would always make sure I didn’t do anything ‘stupid’. After months of being at my beck and call and helping me move on with my life, he said the most absurd thing to me (but this is only my opinion).
It was a Saturday afternoon, we were out for lunch, his treat because he said he had something important to tell me. After we’d placed our order and I had just begun to sip on my pineapple juice, he said,
‘I’ve been taking care of you for a while now and it’s been amazing for me. I feel like I know you so well and I have really gotten fond of you.’
I replied in kind because I had also gotten fond of him but I didn’t think anything of it, I just thought we were growing the friendship.
‘To be honest, I have feelings for you and spending time with you over the last couple of months has made them even stronger.’
‘What? But you never said anything. All that time.’
‘Well, I am saying it now.’
‘Is that all you’re going to say?’
‘You have to understand. I just got out of a very long relationship and I am still very confused about all this, especially what you just said.’
‘Look, I am not asking you to be my girlfriend, yet, just give me a chance. We can go out and you can see if this is working or not.’
This begun the next two months of my life; waking up to ‘good morning’ texts and ‘let me know as soon as you get home’ calls with the ever-romantic ‘have you eaten yet?’
All this attention kept me from thinking about my ex, which was a good thing, but I was also certain that I didn’t care for him the way he cared for me.
He is such a nice guy and I know his feelings for me are very genuine, but I am not attracted to him in any way and I am afraid that I have been wasting his time. I do care about him, the way you would care about a friend or family but the thought of even being with him physically irks me.
The one time it did happen, I was drunk and awkward and I eventually left, having humiliated him more than I did myself.
I don’t know what to do now
I was just giving him a chance but now I feel like I am indebted to him, he was there for me when I really needed it and I know if he does ask to make things official, I won’t say ‘yes’. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I also don’t want to be with him. Send help.