“My 9-Year-Old Came Downstairs Crying. ‘Daddy Is Going to Be So Mad!’ ” Mom And Dad Choose Grace Over Punishment in Powerful Parenting Lesson

“Our girls were messing around yesterday. One of them happened to put their body through the drywall. My nine year old came downstairs crying and frantic saying she had to show me something. I walked upstairs to the damaged wall. The remorse was already displayed all over her body.

She didn’t need me to make her feel guilty.
She didn’t need me to shame her.
She didn’t need me to make an already crappy situation worse.

‘I’m sorry!!!’

I know you are.

‘Daddy is going to be so mad!!! I’m not ready to tell him yet.’

That is OK. When you are ready, you will tell him.

She knew. She knew that he was the one most impacted by this. He would be the one taking time from his day to fix this.

I walked downstairs and told my husband.

The kids put a hole in the wall. A big one. M is really upset about it. She’s working up the courage to come and tell you about it.
We have two choices here.

1. Scream and yell and make her feel more awful than she already does.

2. Accept that little girl for each bit of awesome that she is…even in her mistakes. To realize that it was SO hard for her to come down and tell you how she made a mistake.

Our response will 100% determine how she comes to us with mistakes in the future.


How do you respond?
Today, my daughter walks around with a little more trust. She walks around feeling loved and connected. She walks around knowing that she can tell her parents anything and that she is safe.
This was the best gift I could ever receive this Christmas.

And yes. She still feels sorry. She offered to not receive any Christmas presents this year, all her savings, and her time to help fix it. She didn’t need screaming parents to make her feel this. She did it all on her own.”

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