Clara usually wore a deceptive smile and laughed very hard to silly jokes just to make people around her believe she was happy. But right in her heart she was practically losing her mind. And she tried so much to hide the pains and feelings of loneliness from those close to her. Being single at 40 was sure to make her feel depressed not to talk of not having guys look her way or admire her enough to ask her out. She wondered what could make guys not to even blink at her or be with her.
“My friends will say that I am black, bold, and beautiful whenever they wanted to make me feel good but I am beginning to doubt the sincerity of their compliments since no man approaches me for relationship. I know I am on the big side. I have tried all I can to reduce my size but I end up getting big on the upper side while my waist gets smaller, making me look shapeless. Because of the shape of my body I always have this complex issue. Most people around me don’t know I am going through a depressing moment because I laugh a lot and laugh very hard to their dry jokes. I do all these to feel better and make them think I am fine but I know that I am not fine. Most times I prefer to be indoors. I move from work to my house and house to church. I don’t really socialise.
The hurting part is people think that I am married with kids. You would hear someone asking me, ‘how are your kids’ after each greeting. I have to tell the person I am still single. And there would be this surprised look on the person’s face.
“I have been in relationships in the past but all of them ended badly. The last one was a church brother. The day he told me he liked me, in my heart I thought I had found a husband. I was so happy since he took me to my pastor to indicate his interest in me. Besides, my church is a small local church where the pastor knows everyone.
I was so glad that he took an interest in me. This guy was tall, slim and handsome while I was just the opposite. I never knew that this brother was just looking for where he could eat free food. When he started coming to my house that was when I knew he had no job, or he did contract jobs as he told me. He ate in my house morning and night. Six months into the relationship he was not saying anything, so I summoned courage to ask him what his plans were. He told me that he was not ready to settle down yet, not even in years to come. So, what are you doing with me? I asked him. He told me he just liked me but was not ready for anything serious.
“I was sad and at the same time happy that I was able to find out his intensions for me. I ended it because I didn’t have time to waste; besides, there was nothing to benefit from the relationship. Since then no man has said hello to me. I often get depressed about it. I don’t know if it’s a spiritual problem or it has to do with my looks. Is there anything I can do to attract a man?”
Dear Clara, maybe there is nothing wrong with you. It’s a pity that some men, without asking, simply assume you are already taken. So, they don’t bother to approach you. Or it could be you are just not noticing the ones who are interested in you. Now, you have to love yourself the way you are, and wear things that fit your shape. Dress attractively and decently. I believe there is always a man for every woman, in no time your man will find you.