One Saturday morning, I woke up craving waakye with hot shito. I knew the craving wouldn’t go away until I got my hands on some waakye to eat. Also, I didn’t want just any waakye. I had a favourite place I got my waakye from so I headed there. As expected, I met a very long queue when I arrived. I stood there waiting patiently for my turn. That was when I noticed a guy watching me.
He kept staring at me until I looked directly at him. I thought he would look away but he approached me instead. He had this air of confidence around him, and when he spoke to me, he was very bold. He flashed me a warm smile, extended his hand and said, “Hi, my name is Jake. What’s your name?” This was in early 2020 before the COVID-19 pandemic hit the world. Handshakes were not a thing to be feared so I shook his hands and introduced myself.
We had what seemed like a long talk. I was so deep in conversation with him that when it got to my turn to buy the waakye, I didn’t notice. After we both got our food, we exchanged contacts and promised to keep in touch. We texted often. When the time was right, we spoke on the phone. Initially, he said he wanted us to be friends but after a while, he asked me out.
I liked him from the moment I met him so I was happy to go out with him. We had a wonderful first date. We got to know more about each other on the date. We had undeniable chemistry but we kept things casual between us and took our time for true friendship to build. Five months along the line, feelings became intensive. He proposed and I said yes.
We looked like a match made in heaven. Everything was good between us. Sometimes it seemed like we had known each other our entire lives, pieces of a puzzle that belong together. Nine months into the relationship he sent me a text, “We need to talk.” From my experience, nothing good ever comes out of that statement. I run a series of worst-case scenarios in an attempt to brace myself for the worst.
When we finally met, he looked like he had bad news for me. My heart was in my throat. I kept thinking to myself, “This is it. This is the end of us. I knew it was too good to be true.” I tried my best to look calm. He looked at me intently for a while and then cleared his throat, “Fidelia, my life changed the moment I met you at that waakye joint. After all this time together, I know without a shred of doubt that you are my soul mate. I want us to get married, that’s if you feel ready.”
I didn’t know I was holding my breath until I exhaled loudly. I laughed and said, “Yes, I think we should get married too.”
We got married in February 2021. Our marriage was going well until this year when my husband changed drastically toward me. The whole of January he didn’t touch me intimately. I asked him, “This whole month you haven’t touched me. Is everything okay?” He said, “Yes everything is fine. It’s just that I’m fasting so I won’t be engaging in any physical activities.”
I didn’t buy his explanation but I didn’t push him. I went down on my knees and started praying about whatever was going on. In February, he came to me on his own and we made love. Things went back to normal after that but in April he started acting up again.
The whole of April he ignored me and went out of his way to avoid me. When I asked what was going on, he told me he was fasting. I gave him his space. In May the same attitude continued. I prayed and prayed but nothing changed. My husband wouldn’t look at me like he used to. I woke him up at dawn to have a conversation; “Please tell me what’s going on. I know it has nothing to do with fasting so don’t lie to me. If it’s something I did tell me so that I can apologize. I want us to go back to the way we used to be.”
He looked at me for a while and said, “I don’t know how best I can say this but I’ll try. Before I met you, I was dating someone else. We were so in love and we were about to get married. Life happened. Things took the wrong turn or her life took the wrong turn and she died in an accident. I swore I would never love someone else. I was determined to grieve her forever. That day when I met you I couldn’t stop staring at you because you looked exactly like her. It felt like the universe was giving me another chance to be with her. I knew it wasn’t her but your resemblance comforted me. The more I got to know you the more I felt I was really destined to meet you that day. I couldn’t help but fall in love with you. That’s why I married you. A part of me felt I was marrying her.”
At that moment I started crying.
I couldn’t believe he married me because I looked like his dead girlfriend. I broke down. When I regained some strength I asked him, “So what changed?” He said “These days when I look at you I don’t see her anymore. I don’t see any resemblance. You look like a completely different person, that’s why I can’t bring myself to touch you. It doesn’t feel right when I look at you. I am sorry for everything. As it stands now, I’m very confused.”
I just sat there and cried. I am so depressed I don’t know what to do. I want to file for divorce because I’m not the one he married. He married the ghost of his dead girlfriend. I’m not the woman he was looking for and not the woman he said “I do” to. I don’t know if that makes sense but it’s the only conclusion I can rely on.
Should I wait until he comes back to his senses? Or I should just go ahead and file for a divorce? Please, I need advice.