My Boyfriend Said He Wants To Marry Me, But The Money He Saved For the Wedding Is Not Enough- Lady Narrates
We met in 2019 at church. The first time I noticed him was when he answered a question during an open forum. He was very articulate and I just liked him instantly. When the church service closed, I couldn’t hang around to socialize because I had to get to work. On my way from the church, he stopped by me in his car. He asked, “You attend this church, right?” I answered, “Yes I do.” He respectfully asked, “Do you mind if I give you a ride?” He wasn’t going in my direction but he changed his route because of me. We had a short chat on our way and we exchanged contacts. He dropped me off right at my workplace.
He had lost his mum around that time and his family was planning the funeral. We spoke once in a while, especially on days I didn’t see him in church. We grew our friendship gradually. In 2021, we took things up a notch and started dating. He encouraged me to read the whole bible and when I accepted the challenge, he was there to provide the necessary support I needed.
He gave me strategies to make the reading easier. When I finished reading a verse or a chapter, I summarized it and sent it to him. He would call me in the evening and we’ll discuss it. This gave me a glimpse into how our future was going to be like. When I looked into our future, I saw a couple whose relationship was built on the solid rock of God’s word and that made me really happy. I loved him more for this simple act and was always happy to be in his presence.
Everything was moving smoothly until he changed jobs. His new job took him to Accra and changed the flavor of our love story. We used to be this close to each other in Kumasi but when he moved, we began to love each other from a distance. Distance relationships have their own challenges. I never dreamt of being in one but this one was different. We were in love before he moved so I had no option but to stick with him and give it my best shot.
In December he told me, “I want us to start preparing for marriage. I am ready to perform the knocking rites so inform your family.”
“Just like that?” I thought to myself.
Yeah, I expected us to talk about marriage at some point but it seemed too sudden for me. I had just started a new job. My junior siblings’ education is on me—the curse of being an elder sister. I didn’t have the money for marriage. Mentally I may be ready but I don’t have what it takes to get married. I asked him, “Are you sure about what you’re saying? Do you have the money for marriage? As it stands now, I don’t have the financial muscle to support you. You know my situation.” He assured me, “You don’t have to worry about money. I have been saving for our marriage and I am ready. I’ll take care of everything.”
My mother already knew about our relationship. I spoke to her about the knocking rite and made plans to receive his family. On the agreed date, he came with his family to do the knocking. Right from there, we fixed a date for our marriage ceremony. He didn’t like a white wedding. I wanted us to have a white wedding. We had a thorough discussion on it and I let him win. “We are Africans. Our traditional marriage ceremony ought to be respected and treated as a full marriage procedure.” He said and I agreed with him.
I was still concerned about the money for the marriage. I thought of it every now and then. I wanted to be sure that we were in a strong financial position to have a successful wedding. I asked him “We have a date now. The next thing is to decide on what we are going to do. If I may know, what’s the budget for the ceremony?” He answered, “GH₵15,000 should cover everything.” I asked, “And you have that money safely tucked in your account?” He answered, “No. I used all the savings meant for the marriage for a project I’m working on. I’ve started saving again this January. Let’s see what will happen.”
I was shocked. “Our marriage is in April and you’re now saving? How do you expect to raise GH₵15000 in four months looking at your salary?” He said, “Don’t worry. Everything will be fine. Just contribute GH₵5,000 and I’ll take care of the rest.”
At this point, the picture was getting blurry. I needed more answers than I figured from the beginning. I asked him, “Where are we going to live after marriage? Have you thought about that too?” He answered, “Don’t worry. I have money saved for that. Just find a place you like and tell me about it. I’ll pay the rent.” Everything felt off-tangent for me. I know my financial situation so I wasn’t keen on getting married anytime soon.
I live with my parents. My workplace is very far from my parents’ house so I’ve been saving money. I want to get my own place. A place closer to my workplace so it would be easier for me to go to work. I got an apartment we could live in as a couple. I called to inform him about it and he said, “I’ve had a second thought about this whole rent thing. It won’t be wise for us to rent a new place. When we get married, you will move into my father’s house. No one lives there anyway. I’m renting in Accra. I can’t rent again in Kumasi when there’s an empty space in my father’s house.”
His father’s house is also far from where I work. It’s even farther from my workplace than where I live currently. It can’t work. Even at my parent’s house, I get home from work at 10:30pm so you can imagine the time I would get home from work if I go and live in his father’s house. He won’t accept anything I say that goes contrary to his decisions. His mind is made up. He doesn’t discuss the marriage preparations with me. He is making the plans with his father while I’ve been relegated to the sidelines.
Not too long ago, he told me he has been able to raise GH₵7,000 so I should top up with GH₵5,000. Initially, I was going to do it but looking at the way things are going, I’ve changed my mind. I told him I couldn’t do it. I have bills and my siblings’ fees to pay. From all indications, he is not ready for the marriage yet he is forcing things to happen. I wish we could just postpone it so that I’ll use my money to get my own apartment and then save towards the marriage properly. I don’t know why he lied about being ready. From the look of things, he hasn’t even paid for the venue we are going to use for the wedding. When I ask questions about the venue or anything about the marriage, he goes quiet. That makes me worried.
He’s clearly not ready. Apart from that, I don’t want the life he is planning for us. A life without my input? A life where my suggestions are thrown into the bin? I don’t want it. All I want to do now is postpone the wedding till we are fully ready. People always say that the marriage itself is more important than the one-day wedding ceremony and that’s true. We are not going to have a white wedding so I believe things should be done in a certain way—the proper way. He wasn’t honest when he said he was ready and to me, that’s a huge red flag I don’t have to ignore. I love him but the way things are going, I don’t even feel like getting married again. I want to tell him to wait for a while. I want to tell him not to rush things. I’m not going anywhere so he has no need to worry. I hope he listens and does the right things.