It Looks Like Being A Good Man Isn’t Enough To Keep A Relationship Going After What Happened To Me- Man Narrates

It Looks Like Being A Good Man Isn’t Enough To Keep A Relationship Going After What Happened To Me- Man Narrates


I’ve had terrible luck with women. No, I’m not a bad person. I’ve never hit a woman. I’ve never insulted a woman. I’ve never treated a woman in a way she would tell me, “This is not how to treat a woman.” I never cheated on a woman. Yet, every woman that came my way found the exit door before I even realized that there was an exit door.

I’m not saying I’m a saint. I’m a man. A mere mortal with his shortcomings and misgivings but who in this world doesn’t have shortcomings? They always leave me. The reasons are usually flimsy but it’s their reasons. Someone even told me, “You’re too good and I don’t think I deserve a man like you.” That girl already had a boyfriend before she said yes to me. Three months later, I think the boy got a hint that she was cheating. To restore calm in her life, she cut me off. And I was like, “Why didn’t she cut the other guy off? If he was that good, she wouldn’t have come for me in the first place.” But that had always been my fate. I’m always the one they cut off when push comes to shove.

Then I met Vero.

Anytime I added ‘nica’ to her name she complained. “When you call my name like that it sounds like I’m in trouble. Like I’ve done something to you and you’re so angry you ought to call my name in full for it to make sense. I’m Vero. Allow those I’m not in a relationship with to add ‘nica’ to my name. When it’s you, I’m Vero.”

I got it. I got it that she wanted her name to sound different on my lips. Some sort of differentiation between me and the ordinary people out there. So I said, “How about Verona? Is a beautiful city in Italy. A river runs through it. It’s the city where Romeo and Juliet happened. How about that? Am I not your Romeo? Are you not my Juliet?”

“Verona it is.”

The relationship with Verona started on a lie. A lie I reluctantly forgave. When I proposed to her it took weeks before she said yes to me. I didn’t pressure her and I didn’t call her every day to ask about my proposal. Considering the history of my bad luck with women, I wanted to get this right and I wanted her to say yes because she was really into it. One evening she texted; “OK, I accept to be your girlfriend on one condition that you won’t push for sex at this early stages of our relationship.” I accepted the condition because I was never in a rush to have her do everything girlfriends do. I thought we had time so why rush.

Two months later, I got the information that she has a daughter. A five-year-old daughter. The person who gave me the information showed me photos and gave me the background story. He made matters worse for me because he said it in a teasing way. Like, “Bro, why are you taking this born one world cup? Chill because she’s not a fresh bread like you want to portray her.” I said, “What are you talking about? My Verona? The city where a river runs through? She has what?” He said, “Oh she didn’t tell you? You’ve been sold a counterfeit good.” And then he laughed loudly like killers usually laugh in movies.

I left him and rushed to my girlfriend’s place. I said, “Veronica…” She said calmly, “You called me Veronica? What happened that I’m no longer your Verona? Why are you so angry? What did I do?”

“Cut the crap and tell me why you hid your daughter from me?”

“Who told you that I have a daughter?”

“That’s not important. Do you have a daughter or not?”

“Yes, I do. She’s five. She lives with my parents. I was waiting for the right time to tell you. I’m sorry.”

“Right time? What time could be better than the initial stages when I proposed?”

“You would have left me. I didn’t want to lose you so I wanted us to settle in so I choose the right time to tell you.”

I stormed out. I told myself, “This is over. A girl who can hide a daughter from you can hide anything. I’m never going back to this relationship again. Never.”

But she came around. She apologized. She cried. She knelt to tell me not to leave her because I’d become the center of her everything. I’m not used to hearing things like that. Usually, I’m the one who says things like that to women who were leaving me. I’m the one apologizing for mistakes I didn’t commit. When my ex was leaving me because I was too good for her, I said, “I’m sorry for being too good. It won’t happen again. I’ll mix it up a little. Just the way you want it.” She left. I lost.

But this time around, I’m the one someone is kneeling before and proclaiming sweet things. It got my heart melted. I remembered all the times I was on the other side. The one kneeling. The one begging. I asked her, “What else haven’t you told me? Where’s your daughter’s father?”

“He’s in the same town with my parents.”

“Do you still talk to him? Are you sure you don’t have anything for him, not even a kobo of love?”

“No, I don’t talk to him. After everything, he’s taken me through? Never would I commit that mistake.”

I believed her. I accepted her apology. She became my Verona again. The city a river runs through.

When we came back together, I bore my soul out to her. Narrated all the disappointment I’ve gone through with women and how I was willing to make this one work. She said the same thing too. She held my hand and walked me through the corridors of her past. The mistakes, the highs, the lows, the grey areas. I loved her more and was determined to make it work.

I still didn’t force anything. I wanted things to happen naturally or wanted things to happen because she wanted it to happen. Six months later we were dating platonically. We professed love to each other and spoke more about our future. She has a daughter so we made plans that included her daughter. One day she came to my place and slept over. She didn’t inform me before coming. She just came and decided she wouldn’t go to her house. We went to bed and she started rubbing her skin on mine. I was like, “Really? Is it going to happen today?” Bam! It happened. Thrice before the morning came.

After that night she started acting distant. She wouldn’t call until I call. She would read my text and won’t respond It got me worried so I started asking questions. “Vero, it’s everything alright? Did something happen that night that you didn’t like? Let’s talk about it.” She answered, “You worry too much. I said I’m fine. There’s something going on with my daughter that’s making me worried but she would be fine and I would be fine too. Just relax.” I thought her daughter was sick so I sent her money. The next day when I called she said she had gone to visit her daughter., “And you didn’t even tell me?” “It wasn’t planned. Just impromptu kind of visit.”

She came back and I didn’t see her until she told me she was going back to visit her daughter again. I didn’t see her for over a month. The next time she visited she said, “I’m pregnant.” I asked, “Pregnant? How?” I asked how because I knew what I did that night when it happened. Three times we did it and three times I withdrew. So how could she? But that method isn’t 100% foolproof so I accepted responsibility and asked her, “So what do you want us to do?” She answered, ”I don’t really know. Everything is happening so fast and I’m scared and confused.” Let me think about it.”

She came back a week later and told me she didn’t want to have it. “It isn’t something we planned. Again, this relationship is too young for us to add another burden.” She took money from me and she left. Later in the evening, she told me, “I don’t want to be here alone when I’m done so I will go to my parents for a while.” She left for her parent’s place and we kept in touch. We didn’t talk every day but it was consistent enough to keep the love going.

I met that guy who told me about her daughter. He said, “It’s good you let her go. Those women always end up going back to the father of their kids. You see she’s gone? You ought to pay me because I helped you out of a catastrophe.” I was confused. “Who has gone where?” He responded, “You don’t know she has returned to her daughter’s father and they are getting married soon? They always do, don’t they?”

I slowly walked away, picked up my phone, and called her; “Veronica, what’s happening? What Am I hearing?”

“How would I know what you’re hearing, am I your ears?”

“That you’re getting married to your daughter’s father?”

“Who at all has been giving you information? Who is that and where does he know me from that he gives you this sort of information about me?”

“It’s true, right? Just say it and I would understand.”

Silent…

Silent…

“Your silence is very loud. I understand it.”

“It’s not my fault…”

I cut the call before she could complete her statement. I thought she might call again. I thought she might call to explain further or ask for forgives or something. When that call dropped, it dropped the curtains on our relationship. The last message I got from her was, “I hope you understand and forgive me. You’re a great guy. You deserve someone better than me.”

So it got me thinking. If being a great guy can’t keep a girlfriend then what can?

I’ve grown over the years to know that everything that happened wasn’t my fault. It was the fault of the times I was in. It wasn’t the right time. It took me this current relationship I’m in to know that when the time is right, things fall in the right places, including our hearts. Including the people we meet. Including whoever we decide to give our love to. When the time is right, we meet the right people.

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