My wife’s ex is someone on TV. The first time she spoke to me about him, we were dating. The guy appeared on a TV Advert and immediately he appeared she said, “Yes, here is my ex. The one I left for you. We dated for four years before he became the person everyone knows now. See his cheeks. This guy was not fine like that ooo but because of money, he’s now looking good.” I asked her what happened that the two of them broke up and she said something like, “He cheated on me with a girl I knew. This was a girl everyone knew was no good but he went ahead and cheated with her for close to five months.”
I asked her, “Is he still with the girl?” She screamed nooo. He didn’t like the girl that much. He was just having fun. You men are like that. You’ll go ahead and sleep with someone you don’t necessarily love. I wonder why you do that.” That day I wanted to ask her, “Do you still have some feelings for him?” But I couldn’t ask and since she never stopped talking about him, one day I got the opportunity to ask her. It was the time when we were sending out our wedding invitations.
She asked, “Why don’t we invite him?” I asked, “Invite him as what?” She said, “He can grace the occasion with his presence?” I asked again, “So he’s coming as what?” Then she said, “Let’s forget it.” But she had a frown on her face when she said that so I asked her, “Why are you so obsessed with this guy? He’s in your past why don’t you let him remain there?” She got angry. She said, “He’s in my past doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. He’s a famous person and I’m only trying to let him attend our wedding. That’s all but your jealousy won’t allow you to see what is even right for the both of us.”
Truth be told, I was never jealous. I knew she still talked about him because he constantly appeared on TV and I knew the guy was out of her reach because he was famous.
We got married. That guy didn’t come but we had a beautiful wedding. There was no single moment where the two of us weren’t happy. Our friends who came around ensured we had a memorable day. That was the most important thing.
And then in 2020, I lost my job as a result of Corona. It was that job that sustained both of us because my wife’s work didn’t pay her that much. We were lost and didn’t know where to turn to. The lockdown was very hard for us. We had what we would eat but we were always thinking about tomorrow and what it may bring. There’s always the thought of not having a job and not knowing when you’ll get a job and that was terrifying.
Some months later, she told me, “I spoke to him. I’m only trying to get him to help us.” I got angry instantly. “You spoke to him? To do what exactly? Why do you think this guy is the answer to all your problems? So, you told him what? That your husband is unemployed? He’s begging on the street so he should come and take me off the street? What exactly did you tell him and what for?” She saw the anger and said, “I’m only trying to help.” No matter how down a man is, you don’t go around seeking help from a rival’s camp. To me, it was selfish of her to do that. She was only looking for an opportunity to talk to her ex.
So, for the first time that night, I went through her phone. I won’t talk about the struggle I went through to get her password. The story would be a long one. The long and short of it all was that she had changed her password—the one I knew to something that I had to guess to know. I went through their chat and I got suspicious. They talked about the time they were together. They talked about the way they had missed each other. The guy said he had regrets. She said she had regrets too. They had planned to meet but that meeting didn’t happen—thrice.
I confronted her that morning and told her never ever to speak to the guy again. She was shocked I could go through her phone and she was embarrassed when I reminded her of the implications of the things they spoke about. She promised and even swore never to contact him again. She said, “That’s the last time and I’m sorry I caused you shame.”
I was busy going around, looking for something to do. A friend linked me to his dad who owned a hospital. The father said, “We need a supervisor for the cleaners here. It’s not a lot but if you can, we’ll consider.” I needed the job so I said yes. It was something I could do while looking for a bigger break. One day, I’d returned from work and she was at the kitchen cooking. Her phone was on the center table, ringing. I picked the phone and saw the one calling—Agatha. I knew Agatha. The two of them were once friends until they fought. I said, “Agatha still calls you?” But I was eavesdropping to hear what would make Agatha call her. She said, almost in whispers, “Let me call you later, he’s around.”
That night I checked her phone again. She had changed her ex’s name to Agatha so I wouldn’t know when they talk. I went through their messages and I saw only three lines of conversation. The guy said, “You’ve never changed a bit.” She responded, “I’m still the same girl you once knew.” What does it mean? They had met? They’ve done something that reminded them of when they were together?” I had a cocktail of theories running through my mind. Again, I confronted her. She screamed, “Stop going through my phone because I don’t go through your phone. Why are you making life uncomfortable for me?”
I was insistent. “You guys met, right? Why was he saying that to you? Or…what did you do for him to say you haven’t changed? Same styles? After exchanging angry words with one another, she crept to me at dawn and apologized. She accepted they had been talking but haven’t met. “I can swear on my father’s grave, I’ve never met him.” I said, “Stop talking to him. Is that too much to ask?” She promised again, “This is the last time it’s going to happen. I’ll block him. I’ll call to tell him not to call me again.”
I was at work when she sent me a screenshot of the message she sent to the guy; “I’m sorry but our talking to each other is causing problems in my marriage so please let’s stop talking.” The guy simply responded, “Alright.” I said in my head, “Just alright? That means he doesn’t put any premium on the relationship between them. He didn’t say he was hurt or even ask questions? Ahhh well.”
Last month, my wife came home with her office laptop. All night she was on the computer. She said she had to complete an assignment she couldn’t finish at work. She said it was urgent that she finishes before the next day. I woke up after 12am to realize she wasn’t in bed. I was going to the hall to check on her when I heard her talking in whispers. I stayed put, stretching my ears antennae towards her direction to hear what she was talking about. However hard I tried, I couldn’t hear what she was saying. I walked in on her and immediately she saw me, she cut the line.
“Who were you talking to at this time of the night?
“It’s a foreign call.”
“Ahuh, foreign call, who was that?”
“A School mate I got into contact with recently.”
“Give me the phone.”
“You don’t trust me?”
“I said give me the phone!”
I wanted to pounce on her and collect the phone but I remembered she was three months pregnant so I stopped. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get her to give me the phone. I said, “If you have nothing to hide, you would have given me that phone. I know you’re still talking to him. It’s clear you don’t want this marriage so I will leave it for you.” Then she started crying. “Why don’t you trust me? Didn’t I send you the screenshot of our last chat? Why don’t you trust me a little bit? I’m your wife. Have some trust for me.”
Do you know what I’m doing now? I’m waiting for her to deliver. We struggled a lot to get her pregnant so I don’t want to stress her. I’m playing my role as the husband just to make her comfortable enough to have a safe delivery. That child better be mine if not, the world may not contain the three of us. I have every right to suspect what I’m suspecting but may it not happen. I Pray every day that my fear should not be confirmed so I can own that child. I need that child to be mine. I really do.